


Dregs and Camomile

by The_Ereri_Fairy



Series: Teapot [1]
Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Action & Romance, Angst, Attack on Titan... with titans!, F/F, Fluff, Levi (Shingeki no Kyojin) and Cleaning, M/M, Manga Spoilers, Multi, Shingeki no Kyojin Universe, Slow Burn, Smut, canonverse, various povs
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-01-10
Updated: 2016-04-03
Packaged: 2018-05-13 01:08:16
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 9
Words: 30,138
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5688733
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/The_Ereri_Fairy/pseuds/The_Ereri_Fairy
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Subscribe/bookmark the 'Teapot' series for updates.</p><p>The one where Eren is no titan shifter, just another brat well beneath Levi's attention. That is until the captain is impressed enough by new blood, Mikasa Ackerman to offer her a coveted spot in his star squad.</p><p>But let's not get ahead of ourselves...</p><p>A hundred years of peace is broken. How will humanity cope with the fall of Shiganshina? </p><p>Meanwhile, the scouting legion's wings are clipped, their fate entwined with that of the fallen district.</p><p>                 Comments more than welcome and I love suggestions.<br/></p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Too Human

**Too Human**

 

**0850:**

Captain Levi Rivaille stands alone on Trost’s outer wall.

Fifty metres up the air is muggy and alive with the buzzing of insects. The summer sun heats the stone beneath Levi’s boots and paints the fields of Maria a crisp green.

Even fully geared up, the warmth does not reach his skin. The beauty of the summer afternoon is lost on the captain, whose grey eyes seek beyond the horizon. The destination of tomorrow’s mission:

Shiganshina. Humanity’s greatest defeat in living memory.

It is five long years since the fall of the outer town. Five years since the scouting legion arrived too late...

 

* * *

 

**0845:**

Commander Erwin Smith leads the scouting legion across the fields of Maria, their force numbering too many for the high road. By the time the walls of the outer town loom into view, the horses are lathered and heaving under their riders.

Seeing a green flare signal from the Commander, Captain Levi lets off his own flare to the right and veers his horse in the same direction.

Levi’s special operations squad move into a tight formation behind him. However, the fifty others under his temporary command are not so quick. Their unit forms a snaking line as wall Maria rises ahead. Hange and Mike lead further teams to the West while Erwin’s larger force continues forward to Shiganshina’s outer gate.

Levi’s eyes narrow on a group of cloaked figures heading East under the wall’s shadow. The group breaks into panic at the thunderous approach of the horses.

“Those are not refugees,” Eld observes coolly, just as his captain’s eyes narrow in suspicion.

“No,” he agrees with the blonde. Why would refugees flee from supporting troops?

“The fuckers!” spits Auruo from behind, yelping a further string of curses when he bites his tongue.

“Pffft.” Levi lets out a breath he didn’t realise he was holding. The penny drops as Levi spots the shield and rose sigils emblazoned on the group’s brown cloaks.

Stationary guard.

Military grade cowards fleeing their breached town like rats from a fire.

 

“No,” Levi orders, as Eld and Auruo begin to overtake him. “We continue as planned.”

The command tastes bitter on his lips and Auruo has the audacity to shoot him a distasteful expression, but Levi is resolute. For the first time in over 100 years titans have breached Humanity's defence. 

These 'men' are vermin. Levi has eyes only for the wolves predating his species.

Anyway, it is not like cowards who have never seen a day of hard work will be welcome in Trost, or any of the Marian villages they attempt to seek shelter in. No, Levi won’t stop to engage these filthy excuses for humans. It will only waste more time Humanity does not have.

 

However, one deserter has not fled with the rest. He stands with his back against wall Maria, arms waving frantically in their direction.

“I know a safe place!” the filthy excuse for a man implores. “I can show you the way, if you will just take me with you!”

Levi does not so much survey the deserter as look past him. Beyond even his disdain. Focus on the _real_ enemy. Until -

The wild-eyed deserter stumbles forward into the path of the Captain's horse. Foolishly setting hopes on Levi's grey mare.

"Sir, that horse! She's too large for you... can take two! You won't regret it!" Levi hears Petra clap a hand to her mouth and a low growl from Auruo. Eld does not seem to react, but Levi would not be surprised if the blonde charges the filth into the ground just to save Levi a job.

The guttural roar of what can only be 15 meter class titan is the only thing stopping Levi from taking a moment to string the deserter for titan bait. Instead, he allows himself a snort of disgust before turning in the saddle to address his subordinates.

But hot-headed Auruo has dismounted, having other ideas.

“You snivelling piece of shit!” Levi sees him yell at the incoherent deserter who is now on his knees.

“Leave him,” Petra implores, dismounting from her horse to grab Auruo by the collar for good measure.

He twists downward in an unsuccessful manoeuvre to pull free from Petra’s grip. Hazel eyes fix all the while on the piece of filth pressed flat against the wall, as if attempting to sink into the stone itself.

“Please, please! Don’t hurt me. I have children!” the filth implores to his unforgiving audience.

“Pathetic likes of you shouldn’t be allowed to breed!” Auruo seeths.

It is mildly amusing watching the blonde bombshell act tough, even as Auruo pulls against her grip like a dog on a rope.

Yet Levi has seen enough.

He is already one squad member down - Gunther having fallen sick - and there just happens to be a fuck ton of titans on the wrong side of Shiganshina's outer wall.

“Auruo! _Not_ the fucking time!” Levi growls to get the man’s attention, before assuming his usual level tone. “On second thought, go on. Waste your time on this useless sack of skin. The titans will wait, I’m sure.”

His subordinate has enough brains in that hot head to at least look guilty.

“Captain, I—”

“Not the time,” Levi repeats, firing his wires into the wall above before raising his voice once more to address the squad.

“We scale the wall. Stick in your teams and keep an eye on the sky. Until such time as Erwin assesses the situation, we are here to preserve lives. _Do not_ engage titans if there are no civilians in immediate danger. Green flare, we assume full out assault,” Levi thinks this highly unlikely, “red flare, full retreat.”

 

One glance from the top of Shiganshina’s inner wall confirms Levi’s suspicion that the red flare is inevitable. They are too late, too few and all too fragilely _human_.

The lower town is heaving with titans pouring through the breach, and although the colossal titan responsible has long since vanished, the damage is done. A mass of civilians are just visible to the west. The lucky ones. Elsewhere, they are being eaten alive. These citizens are the most destitute of humanity’s crop. Yet also the hardiest. For these people live at the extreme edge of humanity’s territory, growing up and growing old to the sound of the titans’ footsteps. Of course that does little to save them now from the titans’ jaws.

But where are the stationary guard? Why are the outer wall cannons unmanned?

Levi tries to force calm into the fingers itching to kill, with the goal of being able to think in a straight line by the time the rest of his squad reach the top of wall Maria. Recalling Erwin’s words from earlier that day helps to ground him...

“ _Titans are not the priority. We are unlikely to save the town, but if this is the beginning of the end of humanity... we will not stand idly by._ ”

Levi had protested that this was the last thing he intended, but Erwin had stopped him. His commander’s blue eyes were filled with sadness as he continued.

_“No. We will not stand idly by. But nor will we slaughter our forces at such a critical time. Should this ‘colossal’ titan return, we will need men. Good men. Show them what you can do, take down a few prominent titans, but do not make this the main goal. Protect them. Inspire them.”_

 

Levi zips over rooftops using manoeuvre gear, his squad flanking in perfect formation.

He does not feel like a protector, flying past a pair of 7 meter class titans his team could easily dispatch, if only he gives the order.

Nor does the captain feel inspirational as he ignores yet another cry for help from within a titan’s maw. His task is clear. Preserve life. And that means ignoring the cries of those beyond saving.

In the havok folowing the now vanished collosal titan, some groups of citizens have taken refuge on their rooftops, rather than heading straight for their inner wall. It is these citizens who emerge when Levi’s squad appear. It is the titans threatening their retreat which Levi's team dispatches with unmatched efficiency.

 

Then Levi finds his rhythm. He is leader of the pack. He is the cold bite of steel and the hot rush of blood. 

And it is a strange bliss.

For it no longer matters that the stalemate between humans and titans is over. Levi cannot hear the screams of people to distant or broken to save. He cannot think what this means for tomorrow. Cannot feel anything other instinct, action, reaction.

Right now Levi is not a fighter, soldier, or even human.  He is the hunter. They are the prey. Again and again, titans fall to his pack.

 

After dispatching their 8th titan it is Petra who points out that the streets below and titan’s maws alike are conspicuously free of stationary guard members. It has not escaped his attention and Levi wonders again where the hell they all are.

It is only when Levi’s squad escorts a crop of survivors close to the gate that the question is answered.

What must be _every member of the fucking garrison_ is present at the inner gate, presumably there on the pretext of ‘assisting in the evacuation’.

 

The survivors are mainly quiet, shocked into numb silence as they are guided through to Maria. But there are also those at the opposite end of the spectrum too, screaming for their loved ones. One fat man who must be a merchant is pulling at the shirts of anyone unfortunate to get close enough, begging them to wake him up from this awful nightmare. None of the guards think it worth their time to interfere.

Levi doesn’t expect much from the garrison, but he does expect more than this. Eld's nose scrunches subtly which means he is equally appalled and Petra wears an expression of open horror. Auruo spits loudly, but does not go rushing off to deliver justice again, for which Levi is grateful. These 'soliders' would not know justice if it fucked them up the—

“ _Captain!_ ” Petra points above and Levi sees it. A red flare. Followed by a second, third. _Erwin's signalling the scouts' retreat..._ Eld releases his own crimson flare in answer before Levi can wrap his fingers around his own flare gun.

The signal means all squads and teams are to assemble at the gate. But Levi's squad are already at the gate. In his view, he has a maximum of 10 minutes to paint his blades in titan blood once more.

“We move out,” Levi orders his squad. They follow without question.

 

* * *

 

The squad encounters a group of children huddled on a rooftop. Three nine meter class surround them. They are uncannily similar in build. Thin, long armed, and fast. Unnaturally fast as those arms swing for the petrified children... Levi signals for Petra to take left and Auruo the right. Levi will take the centre titan while Eld provides distraction manoeuvres.

It is a typical attack formation. But as Eld swings forward and lops off three fingers from the centre titan, nothing about the response which follows is typical.

Eld could just as well be a fly for all the attention the injured titan affords him. It is usually their nature to focus all effort on a threat.

As Levi twists his blade into the centre titan's nape in a killing blow, the titan buckles forward into the side of the building. Its remaining fingers never stop trying to reach those five children. Petra and Auruo's titans behave identically, ignoring their attackers in favour of the children and falling in towards the roof as they are slain.

 

_They ignore pain. Wanting only the children._

_Why?_

_Do they fucking taste better?_

 

Levi swallows the ball of disgust rising in his throat.

 

“It’s coming down!” Eld warns, as the building begins to buckle from the three titans’ combined impact.

It takes the lightening reflexes of all four of them to get the children off the roof in time.

Levi deposits his child onto the rooftop without stopping. Levi notes Petra’s huff of disapproval, but he is not going to have some brat snotting and crying down his jacket any more than necessary. Levi is especially grateful when one of his other squad leaders appear, offering to escort the children back to the gate. He is much more comfortable killing things than dealing with brats.

With the children gone, the tension of their encounter with the 'abnormals' is tangible between them.

 

Petra finally breaks the silence.

“Is it just me, or did those 9 meters not seem not to notice us, even with our blades sunk in their napes?”

“Petra’s right,” Eld says. “Didn’t seem to feel a thing. And those fingers I lopped off... any regular titan would engage. But all it wanted was those children...”

“I fucking hate abnormals!” Auruo groans. “Did you see the length of their arms?”

Petra’s face contorts with disgust. “I know, it’s almost like—”

“Shh!” Levi holds up a hand for silence, picking up the familiar _thomp, thomp_ of a titan. Possibly more than one. At least 10 meter class from the intensity of the sound.

But where?

When a 12 meter titan comes into view, there is no doubt that it sees them. Looks straight at Levi in fact, only to walk off slowly in another direction. A second follows. A third. All have freakishly long arms. All are thinner than most titans.

And all look straight at Levi’s squad, choosing to ignore them.

_Abnormals? Are they simply full, having feasted on so many?_

_Titans have no digestive system but perhaps they do have a limit. Hange would know, but fuck knows where the eccentric's team are._

The theory that these titans are regular abnormals has an obvious flaw. Abnormals are by definition oddities. Unique forms of the titan species. The pack attacking the children, and now these three that seemingly couldn’t care less about Levi's squad... they seem to share the same features and behaviours.

“A sub species,” Levi muses aloud. It is the best he can come up with in the circumstances.

"Which only seek to consume children..." Eld cottons on.

His other subordinates gape at him. Levi is disappointed see Petra's eyes go glassy, on the verge of leaking tears.

 

To be weak now is to condemn humanity to predation.

 

Humans are weak by nature. But Levi thought he had picked the right team, this time. People cut out for the task, and who would last. Petra rubs her eyes furiously with her knuckles.

Perhaps he is losing his touch.

Gunther has already disappointed him. The man has been increasingly 'ill' over the course of the last few months and Levi has his suspicions that there is more to this.

 

* * *

 

One week later, Levi is scrubbing his shivering body with increased fervour.

The hot water ended at least five minutes ago, but Levi does not feel clean yet.

Levi’s showers have been longer since the fall of Shiganshina. No amount of water will wash away the memory of sweat, blood and defeat. But there is definitely something addictive as the icy water assaults his skin.

_Numbness_ , Levi realises when he can no longer feel the skin he is scrubbing.

_Beautiful numbness._ ‘Humanity’s strongest’ reduced to a quivering, unfeeling mess.

It takes two attempts to turn off the water.

His existence is reduced to breathing. Each straining breath emerges from his lungs like a knife-winged moth.

His numb feet slip on the tiles. But years of mastering manoeuvre gear develops lightning reflexes and a cat’s balance. Levi hooks an elbow around a towel rail, supporting his body until pins of feeling return to his legs.

 

The captain is fully dressed and brewing a pot of evening camomile when a flurry of knocks sound on his door.

“What?” he calls, not moving from the stove.

Hange forgoes both question and privacy, bursting in to Levi’s private quarters.

“Ooh. What’s that? Oh! Don’t tell me. Peach blossom, is it blossom?” she speculates, moving closer to sniff the steam from the kettle.

“You just said not to tell you,” Levi sighs, producing two china cups despite his better judgement.

“Oh, you know what I meant,” Hange insists.

“Right,” Levi drawls sarcastically as he transfers the tea into a pot. “So why are you here?”

“Yes! Commander Erwin wants you.”

“Now?” Erwin knows how Levi values his uneventful evenings.

“Guess so,” Hange replies. “I’m sure he won’t mind if you take up the...” she tails off, waggling a finger at the teapot.

“It’s camomile,” Levi relents. The floral blend is a recent addition to his evening teas. Weaker than the deep black bergamot or crisp green he usually prefers in the evening.

Camomile is supposed to be calming. He'll probably be grateful for it if Erwin is disturbing his at this hour.

 

* * *

 

Levi doesn’t bother knocking as he walks into commander Erwin’s office, steaming cup in hand. He wants Erwin to know that he has interrupted his routine.

“Commander, I hope that this-” he begins, before stopping still at the strange sight before him.

The commander is slouched in his chair, face held in his hands as if unaware of his visitor entirely.

Erwin releases a deep breath before raising blue eyes to Levi, who is still frozen in the doorway.

Levi surveys Erwin like an injured animal which could be dangerous, before choosing to close the door behind him.

“Commander?”

“Levi. Sit down.”

 

A clock ticks out the seconds as the older man hesitates. Levi notices his large hand resting on a folded parchment. Eventually, Erwin wordlessly slides Levi the parchment. The quality of paper beneath his fingertips is enough to tell Levi this is a central government report. He unfolds it to find the familiar blocky print:

‘PUBLIC INFORMATION: _Humanity’s Greatest Battle_ ’ the heading reads. His fingers press more deeply into the parchment.

To name that day of slaughter at Shiganshina a battle is an insult. And a downright lie.

The report’s contents have so little in common with the facts Levi knows to be true – no mention of the colossal titan, nor the new types of titan which all witnesses agree seem to only show interest in children – instead the report paints a picture of hope in the face of defeat.

‘ _Approximately twenty percent of the population_ were _lost in the battle against the titans.’_ the central government writes.

But those people are not _lost_. Everyone knows exactly where they are. If anyone is in doubt, they need only ask the survivors who watched their loved ones get eaten.

_Plucked, devoured, eaten alive and screaming..._ none of these truths featured in the government’s accounts. Nor does the government make mention of the pleading... for mercy, for the goddesses Maria, Rose and Sina or simply for an end to the pain.

Levi holds the utmost respect for the few victims who yell instead for their loved ones to leave, run, live on.

Levi reads on, but nowhere does the report speak of what he has seen: the people of Shiganshina being swallowed alive.

Levi notices the edges of the parchment has crushed between his fingertips as he reads the final paragraph.

_‘We must honour their sacrifice and trust in the safety of our walls and our capable military’_. No mention of course that is was a single titan that breached humanity’s only defence like a child kicking down a sand house. No mention of the stationary guard’s cowardice and indeed the scouting legion’s own insignificance against the titan horde. And of course, no inkling that the military, let alone the government in Sina, have no plan of action on how to reclaim Shiganshina for humanity.

 

Levi notices a slip of paper is pinned to the end of the sheet, separate from the public report. It is stamped with the royal seal:

_“Privileges which allow the scouting legion to operate beyond the wall are hereby revoked, until such time as the Shiganshina district is restored to Humanity’s territory.”_

The words are brief, but devastating. Levi’s breath hitches. He doesn’t understand how Erwin is remaining so calm.

The china cup rattles as Levi slams his palms on the desk.

“So that’s it? Just like that, we are supposed to abandon everything! You can’t let them do this.”

“Levi,” Erwin sighs deeply. “I have no choice.”

He wears the face of a man who is resigned to his fate. A man who has given up. This infuriates Levi more than anything.

“Then make them understand.” Levi says with gritted teeth. “Our training, the supply routes, Hange’s research. None of that is possible without outside access.”

“You think I don’t know that?” Erwin’s voice has trebled in depth. It is the only sign the commander gives that he is _not_ as calm as his blue eyes suggest.

“I think you have forgotten how to fight!” Levi accuses, drawing a level stare with his commander.

“Never. I...” Erwin begins, before faltering.

_Shit._ Are those _tears_ forming at the corner of his commander’s eyes?

Levi is torn between guilt and disgust.

“Never... say that.” Erwin finally gets out.

Levi has the good grace to decide settle on feeling guilty.It is sometimes easy to forget that some battles are won with ink and persuasion rather than bloodied blades.

Erwin will think of a way. He always does.

 

Levi knows there is no way to resolve the damage tonight, so gets up to leave.

They both needed time to accept the ‘grounding’ of the scouting legion.

However, when Levi makes the mistake of looking back through the doorway, there is no mistaking the disappointment in Erwin’s expression.

 

It is only when Levi arrives back in his quarters and flings his cravat in the laundry basket that he realises. He has left his cup of camomile in Erwin's office.

Not that it matters. He doubts even a bath in the stuff could make him feel calm right now.

 

* * *

 

**0850:**

At least an hour has passed on top of Trost's outer wall. Levi is thinking of tomorrow, of the previous requisition missions into Shiganshina. But mainly, he is thinking of the original recovery mission, only two months after the breach.

On that day, the military were supplemented with over 2,000 ‘volunteers’, kitted out with grapplers and lances as if the right equipment can replace years of military training. They were known as the ‘Bread Brigade’, due to the volunteers receiving a guaranteed ration allowance. On that day, seasoned soldiers and civilians alike bent over double, bringing up bile at the sight of the congealed bodies vomited by titans. Over 75% of the volunteers were corpses themselves by the day’s end. Exactly as the government had planned. Less mouths to feed.

Tomorrow, the scouting legion and stationary guard venture out into Shiganshina for the fifth time, with the intention of salvaging raw materials. This time there will be no bread brigade. Just as there will no putrid stench of rotting flesh, but perhaps there will be the crack of human bones shattering like porcelain under their boots.

The sun will soon be setting, but Levi remains on wall Rose. There are plenty of reasons to hate titans, but right now there is only one reason. A single, infuriating reason why Levi’s fingertips are twitching on the hilt of his blades, even knowing the titans are leagues away from his hardened steel.

The titans have stolen his freedom. And not just Levi’s, but that of the entire scouting regiment. Everyone from Erwin down denied access to the outside world. At least until Shiganshina is reclaimed for humanity.

The newest recruits (few as they are) have never even stood on wall Maria, let alone tasted the freedom for which the price is so often an early death. Every scout makes that choice. They have paid for this freedom in blood.

Levi pauses in his thoughts to watch a flock of swifts pluck lazy insects from the summer sky. Their piercing calls and effortless dives remind Levi of the wings of freedom embroidered on the back of his woollen green cloak. Nestled between the shoulder blades, the pair of wings -one light, one dark- are a constant reminder of why humanity can never stop fighting. Why he will never stop fighting.

One day, Levi promises. One day we will know freedom again.


	2. Bread for Ashes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Because I forgot to mention when posting the first chapter.... if you want to follow, please subscribe/bookmark the 'Teapot' series rather than 'Dregs and Camomile'.
> 
> I feel that I should insert a warning for feels in this chapter. Consider yourself warned!
> 
> The big picture: It is two months since the fall of Shiganshina. The government come up with a controversial solution to the refugee problem in Trost.
> 
> Peeking through the window: Armin's parents make the most important decision of ther lives.
> 
> And quietly in the background: Levi tries to distract himself from the truth.

**Bread for Ashes**

 

 **0845:** _Two months after the fall of Shiganshina_

 

“I’m fighting, Austin Arlert. There ain’t nothing you can say to change it.”

Austin’s heart is replaced by a lump of lead. His chest constricts with the weight of her words.

And if her words are agony, the resolute look on his wife’s heart-shaped face is torture. Her lips are pursed in that all too familiar way, meaning she means every word she says.

Austin suppresses a sigh. He needs all his strength if he is going to sway her from this madness.

For all the wonderful qualities his mouse possesses, she is also as stubborn as a mule.

 

“Leonie...” he tries, ducking his chin to catch her sharp, blue eyes with his warm hazel ones. “Please. It’s not safe.”

“Safe!” she scoffs, returning his heartfelt appeal with a viscous glare. She folds thin arms tightly under her bosom. She only does this in the toughest of times. When trying to hold herself together.

As much as it pains Austin to see his wife like this, he cannot blindly accept that his wife wants to risk her life.

“Mouse...” The pet name falls from his lips like a drop of warm water, melting his wife’s glacial eyes. Her torso begins to tremble beneath her folded arms.

 

He wants nothing more than to encase his wife’s slender frame, to envelope her so entirely that the world beyond their pressed bodies ceases to exist. Within his arms, perhaps Leonie can forget that their ration of barley bread was smaller this morning than it was last week. Perhaps together, the chorus of their thumping hearts can drown out the drums of war...

But more than that, Austin wants to give his wife everything they have lost these last two months. Their home. Their freedom. The coin he earned teaching mathematics to merchants’ sons.

Yes, they had once lived in humanity’s poorest district, but there was always bread on the table. Milk and butter most days too.

 

Leonie’s gentle quivering cruelly reminds Austin of something he misses more than a full stomach.

His wife’s laughter.

 _When was the last time?_ It is unnerving that he cannot remember these last soft, blossoms of laughter, which used to flutter so freely from Leonie’s petal lips.

Yet, as much as Austin wants to provide comfort now, he does not broach the distance between them. He must persuade her not to fight.

Austin _never_ wins... but today has to be different.

 

“Please. I can’t let you do this. This family is nothing without you...” he says, taking shuffling steps to get as close as he dares. Leonie’s blue eyes flutter open wide.

She is listening, at least.

“Think of _Armin.._.”

 _A mistake._ He knows it the moment their son’s name leaves his lips. He can hear the huge breath his wife takes, see her chest inflating. A warning. The calm before the...

_SLAP!_

His wife backhands him, holding nothing back. Her copper marriage band leaves a burning trail across his cheek.

“Think of _Armin_!?” Her fury is explosive, and Austin feels a twang of relief amid the swirling seas of worry. It is so long since his wife showed any surge of emotion, falling quiet behind an impassive mask as their situation became ever direr.

“Think... of our son!” Leonie breathes hysterically, rubbing quick circles into the palm she slapped him with. “Why the fuck d’you think I’m going back? D’you think I would risk never seeing our son again for anything else than to keep him alive?”

 

Austin’s mind goes into overdrive.

_Something. Anything. There must be something he can say..._

“Tell me. How will we feed our son?”

Austin has no answer. As little as Armin eats, as much as the two of them can cut back, one military ration allowance does not divide between four people. And the people of Trost have no paid work for refugees. He wonders whether the Trostians would even close their roofs to the refugees of Shiganshina if the colossal titan comes to break down _their_ outer wall.

The remnants of the slap are a mild sting compared to the aching realisation. There is nothing he can say. His wife will not be persuaded. She will go to Shiganshina. They will collect the bread ration, knowing that even if they both die, their son, Armin and Leonie’s father, Ringol will continue to receive life-saving rations for the next two months.

It is this promise by the government that sees so many refugees sign up to the volunteer military ranks. The ‘Bread Brigade’, the true Trostians call it. Usually accompanied by a hearty glob of spit.

“Well?” his wife asks.

 _She knows..._ She can see the defeat in him.

Leonie comes closer. Austin’s nose tickles her honey coloured hair as he utters the words which spell his failure.

“I don’t know. Leonie, I can’t...”

“You can’t _what_ , Austin?

... _I can’t lose you._

_...I can’t protect you._

“I can’t...”

Words have failed him. There is no point in fighting any longer.

 

Austen finally pulls his wife into a fast embrace. It is impossible to tell who needs this more as their bodies crush together.

A delicate hand reaches for his neck, smooth knuckles ghosting over the skin, sliding under the shirt collar. Austin lulls himself into a false sense of peace as his pulse slows beneath his wife’s fingertips.

 _“_ Let’s not pretend, husband. There is no other choice.” Her words float into the shell of his ear.

“I know. We need the bread.”

“And if-” she breathes into his neck before continuing, “-if we don’t come back, Armin has my dad.”

“Yes, he loves his grandpa.” Austin half nuzzles in her honey-coloured hair. “And the military will start recruiting the next batch of trainees soon. The minimum age is reduced to 11 now. Our rations will last them both until then.”

“Our little Armin, a soldier!” Her last word comes out half a squeak. He strokes soothing circles into her back, knowing there is no stopping the fat tears trailing her cheeks. Just as there is no stopping the sting of water in his own eyes.

“We’re all soldiers now, mouse.”

 

* * *

 

Austin sits with his breakfast ration at one of twelve tables in the barracks. The air is thick with the sound of hundreds of spoons scraping lumps of porridge from wooden bowls. It could be a normal breakfast scene, if everyone present wasn’t acutely aware that it may be their last.

The congealing lump in his bowl is at least 30% larger than usual. He pushes the food around with his spoon. Feigning interest.

 

Austin’s thoughts are five miles away in the refugee camp. Are Armin and grandpa receiving a larger ration portion too? If so, Armin is sure to work out why. Smarter than both his parents put together. And such a delicate nature. So rare in the world they live in.

It is why he and Leonie decided not to tell him that today the entire voluntary army division are marching on Shiganshina.

 

Austin raises his eyes from his bowl. He is surrounded by people he has known all his life.

Even in the unfamiliar faces, Austin recognises the pained conflict shared between some of the men and women.

They are the parents.

Here for one reason only. The promise of bread for their children, whether they live to see them or not.

These are the eyes of people not under the illusion that two weeks of training makes a soldier. They are not here to fight titans, or even hold hope of reclaiming their hometown.

Bread for ashes... It is the gamble they all choose to take.

Except, some men are not watching their wives roll the same weighted dice.

 

Leonie sits elbow to elbow with him on the bench. She has finished her porridge and raises a questioning eyebrow at him. Austin shakes his head, not trusting his ability to keep food down.

“Here. You need your strength,” his little mouse says. She plucks the dripping spoon from his bowl.

“Strength won’t make a difference,” he replies blankly.

“It won’t if you keep up that thinking, _husband._ Now stop squirming. You need this.” She goes to lift the spoon to his mouth, but he catches her slender wrist in his fingers, preventing her progress.

“Don’t.”

“But—” She drops the spoon in her struggle against his grip, and leaps for it with her other hand.

“I said, DON’T!”

Austin is aware of his fingers squeezing too tightly around his wife’s wrist.

A rush of instinctive anger clouds every other feeling. She shouldn’t even be here. He should have found another way... He will regret this later, but right now it is time to act the man for once in his life. Maybe it isn’t too late to get Leonie back to the refugee camp...

“I don’t... need... porridge!” His hand releases his wife’s wrist to thump the table with his fist. “Need to be ten years younger, twenty pounds lighter, need to be stronger than I am! ... I nee- _ah_ - _ummff._ ”

A mouthful of cold porridge is shoved into his mouth, just as Leonie jabs him in the chest with her own spoon.

“What you _need_ , Austin Arlert, is to _listen to your wife_! And eat your porridge.”

He has lost, _again_ , the will to fight washed away with the force of his wife’s beautiful blue eyes.

But there is something he needs if he is to face the day ahead. And it’s not porridge.

“ _Yuh cawnd duh,”_ he blurts, momentarily forgetting the cold mouthful cloying his tongue.

“Chew,” Leonie commands, not unkindly. She strokes his chin as he obediently sucks and slurps the mouthful down.

“Now, what is it, love?” she asks.

“You can’t die,” he repeats.

She meets his eyes for a long moment before answering.

“I won’t,” she promises.

Austin thinks he has never loved his wife more than he does in that moment.

 

* * *

 

* * *

 

 

_Later that day:_

 

The government will call the first recovery operation in Shiganshina a success. If you discount the screaming.

Unfortunately for capitain Levi Rivaille, he can discount none of them.

Not the high pitched scream of a grappling wire retracting, its owner’s voice joining as he is caught in midair between fat fingers.

Nor the trembling, disbelieving screams of volunteers moments before they are crushed underfoot.

Their screams are all the worse for knowing that this is not simply the titan’s doing, but _Humanity’s_. The government may posthumously paint these refugees as gallant heroes, but there is nothing commendable about the mindless slaughter which is the reality of this farce.

Worst of all is the fact that their sacrifice is worth nothing more than a few tonnes of glass, grain, metal, which his team are currently loading unhappily into the backs of wagons.

 

Petra has ditched the sweet-as-treacle smile she usually wears for a stormy scowl. She sorts through piles of glass with little regard her bleeding palms.

Levi makes a note to keep an eye on her. He won’t stand for carelessness in any circumstances.

Meanwhile, Auruo is lifting a bundle of metal with entirely the wrong technique. Knees straight and back swinging dramatically on each lift. Levi is almost tempted to intervene, when he notices an even more worrying sight.

Hange. The fellow captain and lead researcher is venting some obvious frustration by slamming sacks of glass into the back of a wagon so forcefully that the horses startle.

Auruo gawps at the researcher in surprise but says nothing, bending his back to hoist the next bundle.

 

A sound snaps him into a tense focus. A single, drawn out scream, floating over the wall. A coil of bitterness rises in the pit of his stomach. He thinks Hange hears it too, from the ferocity of their next throw of the sack. The eccentric curses loudly when the hessian bag rips.

Yes. Hange definitely hears it, from the hitching of breath which isn’t solely from the labour.

He seeks the researcher’s wide brown eyes. They share a silent exchange. It speaks of unspoken knowledge, shared pain and guilt. Guilt most of all. Because unlike the others, they know the bitter truth of this ‘mission’.

 

* * *

 

“The operation to ‘recapture’ Shiganshina is _designed to fail_ ,” Erwin reveals as calmly as if telling his captains what whether to expect.

Levi wonders if his commander realises he is not speaking sense. His fellow captains, Hange, Mike and Dita look equally astonished as their commander continues.

“The government realise that we cannot retake Shiganshina with our current strength. They also cannot support the number of refugees encamped within Trost. As such, a...” he struggles uncharacteristically for the word, “...a _compromise_ has been decided.”

The compromise Erwin speaks of is a population cull, disguised as all-out attempt to reclaim the homeland of the very people being sentenced to titan fodder.

By the time Erwin is done reciting the details of the government's scheme, Levi’s whole outlook is thrown into turmoil.

At least titans make clear their intentions. Not to mention that titans don’t turn on their own kind.

For the first time in his life, he wishes he were not Humanity’s strongest, wishes that the the responsibility lies elsewhere. Wishes that he doesn’t need to play along with this disgusting scheme.

 

* * *

 

Of course, Levi does fall in line with the deceit. A weak part of him wishes that Erwin kept the intel to himself. Perhaps then he wouldn’t be experiencing this coiling lurch of bitterness every time he hears the faint echo of a scream from beyond the wall...

Eld comes to help Hange with the broken glass. Levi notices he has already loaded two wagons himself. Ever diligent. It is one of the reasons why the man is his second in command.

Yet, Levi notices that even Eld is showing the strain today. His bun has come undone on one side, spilling blonde hair which sticks to the sweat on his face. At any other time, Eld would be putting it right. His well kept appearance is one of the things which Levi found attractive about him, all those months ago. That and the fact that he only speaks when necessary, and never to state the obvious.

The man before him now is a different creature entirely. Sweaty, dishevelled and continuing to haul sacks like a well oiled machine which knows nothing else. 

 

A memory flies unbidden to the fore of Levi’s mind. It is from when he discovers that absolute steadfastness is Eld’s coping strategy, one which the man employs following his first titan kills...

 

* * *

 

“I never thought I’d take two.” Eld’s statement is not boastful. Indeed, the blonde is as serious as ever.

“I’m impressed,” Levi says, meeting his subordinate’s eyes to show he means it. –the gratitude in those deep brown eyes throws him off guard – “But that doesn’t mean I won’t string you by your ankles if you let this get to your head... I never could drag Auruo down from his high horse.”

“Yes, Captain. As much as I respect Auruo, it is my wish to one day surpass him and- uhm...” His subordinate trails off. Levi notices doubt filling those deep brown eyes.

“Oh?” Levi’s interest is peaked. It is the most he thinks Eld has ever said at once.

“Go on,” Levi encourages, seeing the lingering hesitation.

“Well, Sir. One day, I hope to surpass even yourself.”

_From someone else’s lips, this would be infuriating. Why does he feel no anger?_

“Why?” Levi finally asks.

“Because you _inspire_ it, Sir.” Levi finds his eyes drawn to quickened pulse fluttering at the man’s neck as the words fall from his lips.

 _Shit. Eld noticed._ The corner of Eld's lips sneak into a knowing smile, even while he salutes Levi formally _._

Levi’s rigidly enforced resolve not to get involved with those likely to die (everyone in the scouting legion) is burning to ashes as his subordinate holds the salute.

The captain slowly glides his gloved hand over the fist clenched tightly against Eld’s chest.Testing the reaction.

He is not disappointed. The blonde unfurls his fingers to catch Levi’s fingers in his own. Their hands remain linked while they look at each other deeply with lidded eyes as if seeing one another truly for the first time.

 

_Seeing as this is actually happening. Levi decides he may as well get some pleasure from it._

 

“If I ask you to my quarters, will you come?” he asks while thumbing soft circles into Eld’s knuckles.

“If you command it.” The kernel of hope in Levi’s chest snaps with the words. He releases Eld’s hand and their eye contact.

“I am not _commanding_ you,” he states bitterly.

“Shame,” he hears Eld say in a low voice somewhere above him. “Because I’d do anything you command.”

Levi is not accustomed to being speechless. He raises his eyes, mouth unable to form the question. Thankfully, Eld understands.

“Yes, Captain,” he repeats. “ _Anything..._ ”

 

* * *

 

Levi is disgusted with himself for recalling everything which happened with Eld during the aftermath of battle. An elite soldier should be fully in control. As such, humanity’s strongest should definitely not be looking at Eld with hunger, _now_ of all times.

Of course, Eld would need an hour long shower before Levi could consider going anywhere near him after all that heavy lifting. And it's doubtful that there is a bottle of vine somewhere for Eld to rinse his mouth...

Not to mention that they haven’t been anything but professional towards one another for months. Ever since Levi learnt the catch in taking on Eld as a lover (aside from the unsaid threat that either of them could die on the next expedition beyond the walls).

Levi knows he is not... _conventional_ in his desires. It has nothing to do with liking men and everything to do with the rules by which he lives his life. Namely, avoiding filth at all costs. Sex has the misfortune of being one of the filthiest activities Levi practices. That said, he has found acceptable measures which make it possible... with the right partner.

During their first encounter, Levi is more than happy with Eld. Impressed even, because the man takes all of Levi's oddities in their stride.

The handsome blonde arrives at his quarters freshly showered as requested (and almost up to Levi’s standards) and gargles the cup of vine Levi produces like its the most natural thing to do in the world.

And he listens with endless patience to Levi’s rules, obeys Levi’s command to the letter.

But it’s not just about obedience, and that is precisely where Eld falls short.

The tall, muscular blonde obeys unflinchingly. Like a dog conditioned with fear. He never surprises Levi, but worse than that, he never gives more than Levi demands. And for all the control Levi needs to implement to even think about engaging in sexual contact with another... he also needs that person to actually give a damn. To want to suck him off and fucking beg for more.

It is not in his imagination, because Levi went as far as to test the theory that Eld actually doesn’t require their intimacy at all.

For two long months Levi initiates nothing. No invitations to his room, no shared contact and no explanation.

Nothing.

But despite his cool exterior, Levi is waiting, foolishly hoping for Eld to show that what they share is more than Eld following _commands_.

Turns out it isn’t. Wasn’t. Never can be.

Eld is just that sort of person. Too submissive to be properly dominated. Too obedient to test Levi. As well defined and effective with his tongue as he may be... he is _u_ _ltimately boring._

Which is why Levi feels all the more despicable for looking at Eld hauling sacks as he is now doing. With longing worthy of a hormonal teenager.

Because Eld cannot give what Levi wants.

No one can give Levi what he _really_ wants, because what he wants is, surprisingly...

A challenge.

Killing is no longer an effort. Commanding respect is easy as taking a piss.

Any good soldier will blindly obey. But Levi craves more than mere obedience. The closest word to describe what Eld is missing is guts. But Levi wants to build trust too. The sort which you both work damn hard for, and which earns you the right to enjoy each other exclusively. It’s knowing that person finds joy in being fully in synch with your routine and mood. It’s knowing the person will pine for you when you’re away, yet will trust in your return. And that they will always want you when you do.

But Levi knows there is no one like that in the scouting legion...

There is nothing for it but to carry on. _Humanity’s strongest._ Fortunately, he is used to it.


	3. Rival Choices

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eren knows where life is taking him next, but his choice is at odds with someone determined to stop him...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Guys, I have no beta and an increased work timetable. 
> 
> Much love if you spot any glaring errors and welcome any thoughts as always. <3

**Rival Choices**

Eren’s final year in military training cannot end soon enough. A place in the scouting legion awaits him. Has always awaited him...

Eren is 8 years old and public opinion of the scouting legion is at an all time low. Not that this put a dent in Eren’s admiration for the only military group who venture beyond the walls.

The citizens of Shiganshina can _hear_ the titans beyond the outer wall. It amazes Eren that people act as if they are far away, just as it angers him when people sneer that all the scouts do is go out and die.

Eren is 9 and his admiration of the scouts expands like rising dough. There is plenty of opportunity for some other interest to puncture his growing desire to join the scouting legion. Perhaps wanting to follow in his father’s footsteps and practice medicine... But no, despite encouragement, nothing comes close to puncturing his dreams.

Eren is 10. It is the night after watching his mother get eaten alive. He can still taste blood and ashes. His throat is still raw from screaming.

But there is something new too, something so intense that it threatens to choke even the pain and grief.

A fire of determination.

It starts in his chest, hardening his once comforting dreams into an unbreakable crust. But soon the feeling reaches his fingers and toes, prickling like pins and needles. Eren welcomes the hot, angry wave as it burns, leaving a tempered resolve which to this day Eren can draw on when he feels weakest.

 

Almost five years later, Eren admires the scouts for different reasons. The legion have been banned from the outside world (just like everyone else) and are now tasked with reclaiming Shiganshina. If anything, Eren’s respect for the scouts is stronger for this.

He is also now not the only person who wants to join the scouts apart from Mikasa and Armin. It might be because the halt on outside missions has done wonders for survival statistics within the scouts, but Eren hopes it is more because his fellow trainees realise the value in joining a faction which actually train you to fight titans, as opposed to whatever the military police do. And as for the stationary guard, Eren and Mikasa have seen first hand how incapable they are against titans.

The idea that Hannes - the man who let his mother get eaten - is one of the _brave_ ones would be amusing if it wasn’t completely sickening. He remembers Hannes with Eren under one arm, Mikasa under the other... and what must be _ever other guard_ in Shiganshina cowering at the gate.

It’s not like Eren can ever be grateful to Hannes, but there are worse out there. The military police are a prime example. What would it take for them to actually leave the comforts of Sina?

No, for Eren it has always been the scouts. It is the swirling fire of determination which allows Eren to train harder, faster, become stronger each passing season. And it is the desperate hunger to know all there is to know about the scouting legion which sees him running now towards Commander Shadis’s hut.

Eren’s heart beats frantic time as he runs. Peeling the potatoes for dinner took longer than expected and he _cannot_ let himself be late for this.

You see, it is messenger day. The now breathless brunette makes it his monthly routine to intercept Commander Shadis on his way to the mess hall to deliver the news. In the five minutes it takes Shadis to stride from his office to the mess hall, Eren is able to eke out precious morsels of information. It is never enough to completely sate his appetite, but usually enough to keep Eren more or less still on the bench as Shadis announces that month’s news to the entire regiment.

The commander has long ago accepted that answering a handful of Eren’s questions is a lesser evil than having him squirm restlessly in the mess hall. According to the commander, his face when trying to hold in his emotions is painful to witness.

Even with this arrangement, sometimes Eren cannot help but growl in anger when the news is dire, or huff with frustration at the announcement of yet another useless rule implemented by the government. Just as he definitely cannot help but pump his fist and whisper “Yes!” whenever the scouting legion are successful.

Eren picks up his pace to a full out sprint, not caring if he arrives beet faced at Shadis’s hut. If he doesn’t hurry, there is a chance he could miss Shadis altogether. _No_ , Eren tells himself – it is unthinkable – he is never late on messenger day! _Almost there..._

As the commander’s wooden hut lurches into view, the lamp light in the window reassures Eren he has made it in time.

In fact, Eren finds himself in for a tortuous wait. It is increasingly difficult to keep still. He shifts his weight from leg to leg. Maybe it is only minutes, but it is impossible to tell in this heightened state of anticipation.

_Did the fifth recovery mission in Shiganshina go ahead? Is there news of humanity’s strongest? Or Commander Erwin? It’s been ages since there has... When will the military forces finally join forces to wage a real battle for Shiganshina?_

_Come onnnn, Shadis._

Eren’s heartbeat has fully recovered from the run and his face is barely flushed by the time Shadis emerges.

_Finally!_

He assessed the commander’s features eagerly for clues. Commander Shadis generally only displays three attitudes: irritated, angry and _tired_.

It is the latter which Eren sees now. The circles under the commander’s eyes seem deeper, as if drawn in ink. Spotting Eren, the commander rubs his knuckles against the wrinkles on his forehead. The messenger’s papers hang limply from his fingers in his other hand.

The commander acknowledges Eren with an unsurprised half nod and without slowing his steady gait.

Eren follows to the side and half a step behind, as he know the commander prefers. There was a time when the trainee was hard done to keep up at all, but the last three years have done wonders for his legs, which are longer and well muscled from vigorous 3DMG training.

“Commander Shadis, Sir.” Eren breathes. “Please, how did the fifth operation go?”

“A success.” Shadis says the word like it’s a drop of bitterness on his tongue.

It is always the same whenever Eren asks about the scouting legion. Eren does not understand why Shadis never sounds proud. The scouts used to be the sole purpose of Shadis’s life, just as they (so soon!) will become Eren’s.

Surely Shadis is not still full of regret over what happened so many years ago?

_He was their 12 th commander. _

Eren was there the day when Shadis lost control, and soon after the command:

 

* * *

 

_Eren and Mikasa see it all from the back of a cart, standing on tiptoes to peer over the heads of the crowd._

_The heroes are returning from beyond the wall. Except..._

_Eren does not see the proud, straight backed men and women of his dreams._

_He sees ghosts with dead, unseeing eyes._

_He sees broken people. Some so heavily bandaged it is impossible to tell if they are male or female._

_And he sees rider less horses. Too many to count._

_The scouts, so inflated in Eren’s expectations appear shrunken in their defeat. Like rag soldiers played with too roughly, missing stitches and frayed at the edges._

_And then the mutters start._

_“So few of them return... How horrible...”_

_And then the shouting, hacking at the tension like a knife._

_“All they do is die!”_

_“Wasting our taxes!”_

_Their angry words may as well be wind for all the notice the ghosts give. Their commander, Keith Shadis continues to lead the grim procession with gritted teeth and circles around his eyes which Eren swears were not there when they set out._

_But then a woman appears who Shadis takes notice of. Her hands clench in desperate hope before her, as she appeals to the then twelfth commander._

_“Excuse me. I can’t see my son, Brown. What happened to him?”_

_Eren still has nightmares of soldier Brown’s wrapped hand being presented to his distraught mother._

_Sometimes, the nightmare replaces Mrs Brown with Eren’s own mother, still trapped under their half-collapsed house._

_She screams at Eren to run, flapping the dead arm at him as if in a gruesome wave. If Eren is lucky, he wakes up in a hot sweat before Hannes scoops him up... wakes before seeing his mum get devoured again..._

 

* * *

 

Commander Shadis reveals enough on the way to the mess hall for Eren to look forward to the announcement of the full news after dinner.

Eren eats quickly as usual, but there is no hurrying the others – except for Sasha – she finished the soup in half the time Eren did and is nabbing pieces of Connie’s bread when he isn’t looking.

_Hurry up. Hurry up._

He has a special reason for today’s restlessness, because Shadis mentioned something about ‘humanity’s strongest’ living up to the name. And Eren hasn’t heard about the formidable Captain Rivaille in ages.

Eren spoons another mouthful of soup to try and realises he is smiling to himself.

“Hrrhmm!”

Eren looks around the table for the source of the sound, to see Jean snickering at him. His narrow brown eyes are fixed on Eren.

“Jean, are you even eating that?” Eren snaps on noticing Jean has hardly touched the soup. It’s only onion and barley but they’ve been served far worse.

_Okay. Why is he staring like that?_

Meanwhile, Sasha’s eyes go wide and zoom in on Jean’s spoon, which is being pushed absently around the bowl as he contemplates Eren.

“I’m distracted,” Jean smirks. “’Cause your face looks like you got laid. I’m struggling to figure out who has the patience.”

The other conversations around the table drop dead like flies.

“Huh...” Marco drops his spoon into his soup, looking down to try and hide the flush behind his freckles. Armin is similarly embarrassed and Mikasa looks infinitely less impressed than she was moments ago.

“Whaaat?” Connie gasps, as Eren turns angry eyes towards the still smirking Jean.

Sasha is shouting before Eren can get a word in. “Oi Jean. You need a new nickname, ‘cause most horses are smarter than you!” Jean’s curled lip falls flat. “Did you forget that it’s messenger day? Eren’s always beaming like an idiot like this on messenger day if there’s good news.” She turns to Eren. “Riiight?”

Jean snorts, muttering something under his breath, but all eyes are now on Eren and he can’t help but share all Shadis has told him so far. _The scouts taking down titans in Shiganshina. The resourcefulness of recovering metal for new blades. The heroism of Captain Rivaille, humanity’s strongest, who has taken down 4 single handed, bringing his solo count to 53..._

“So... he’s crushing out. I was close, alright!” Jean says defensively.

Mikasa sighs and rolls her eyes beside him as Eren’s fingers instinctively clench into fists.

“I am not _crushing_!” he growls. “I am showing _respect_. We should all show our respect for humanity’s warriors.”

Jean scoffs. “Humanity’s garbage collectors, more like.”

“Say that again and I swear—”

“—Humanity’s. Fucking. Glorified. Garbage. Collectors.”

“Take that back.” Eren spits. He is now standing and almost trembling with anger.

Jean too gets to his feet. The distance of the table between them is the only reason they are not aleready at each others’ throats. Sasha takes the opportunity to swipe Jean’s half-eaten soup. She slurps happily while watching the show.

“No. Don’t think I will.” Jean crosses his fingers and stretches almost causually until his knuckles click.

Eren is not intimidated. Jean may have the edge with manoeuvre gear, but Eren is the strongest in hand-to-hand combat.

“You shouldn’t fight...” Armin whispers, ever the cautious one. “Shadis is _looking our way_. Remember last time you guys fought.”

Eren is too blinded by rage to remember last time. It is impossible to think of anything other than how much he wants to punch Jean in that horse face of his.

It takes a yank of Mikasa’s fingers to force him back to the bench. There will be a bruise on his left cheek come morning. To his continued fury, Jean sits calmly, laughing something into the something into the ear of an alarmed Marco as if nothing happened.

 

When the bowls are finally cleared and Shadis is announcing the news, Eren again cannot stop the smile from spreading across his face. The scouting legion have slain 14 titans in their latest operation (of which humanity’s strongest took down 3 alone) and salvaged valuable hardened steel from Shiganshina. Eren finds himself fantasising about the blades they will forge from the recovered shards: a weapon weighted with the past yet strong with the promise of revenge.

_How a blade like that would feel in his grip! How beautiful it would look, glistening with titan blood..._

Eren barely hears his name when Shadis calls for himself and Jean to attend him.

“The rest of you are dismissed.” Shadis adds, waiting at the head table for Eren and Jean.

“Bad luck, Eren,” Armin whispers. The rest of his words of encouragement are lost against the backdrop of benches scraping and boots thudding against the flagstone.

 

* * *

 

 

These kids will be the death of him.

Yeager and Kirstein sizing each other up over dinner. He cannot tolerate such childish behaviour so close to their graduation. If either trainee acts up in their new role, it looks bad on him. And fuck, if there’s something Shadis actually likes about this job it is the notion of success. No failed operations, no deaths to justify. He is simply a machine churning out raw recruits. And he is fucking good at it. They come as wide-eyed rabbits and leave as lean wolves, hungry for success in whatever form it takes.

Not that it is an easy task, shaping these kids into soldiers.

 

“Hear you plan to join the MP.” he states. Kirstein is looking at the floor in a show of remorse.

It doesn’t fool him for a second. “You’ve got the grades for it, Kirstein. But you’re stupider than you look if you think the military police will stand for child’s play.”

“I’m sorry, Sir.” Kirstein responds.

“As for _you_...” he turns on Yeager who unlike Jean has his green eyes raised. It’s not defiance as such, more self righteousness. “...still aspire to the scouts?”

“More than anything, Sir.” Yeager holds his fist to his heart in the scouting legion salute.

_Shit._

Carla’s boy is stubbornness in human form.

 

_“Protect him. Please. For me.” Carla asked of him all those years ago. It is the only thing she ever asked of him, and so far Shadis has done a dreadful job of it._

 

It hasn’t helped that the lad needs protecting from himself more than anything. Damn kid would train himself to death if you let him. _Of course_ he’d have his heart set on the most dangerous sector of the military.

Shadis announces that both trainees are to arrive back at the mess hall two hours prior to breakfast, where they will be cleaning the rafters. He dismisses Kirstein, thinking that now may be the last time to try and sway Yeager from the scouts.

 

“Yeager. As your commander, I demand to know why you wish to join the scouts.”

Carla’s boy gapes in an unseemly manner and doesn’t seem to know what to do with his hands.

“But... Sir. You commanded the scouting legion. Surely you—”

“Do I look like I’ve lost my memory?”

“No Sir, I...” the boy trails off, looking even more uncomfortable.

“Thing is Yeager, I had a letter recently from soldier Hannes asking of you, Mikasa and Armin.” The lad’s eyes light up. “And it would be a shame to tell him you’ll all likely be dead within five years.”

For a long moment, Shadis believes he has rendered Eren speechless. But it turns out the boy was simply building courage. The lad’s body trembles with tension but his words are clear.

“With respect, Sir. I would rather fight and die young than not join the scouts. It is my choice to make.”

 

The words bring forth echoes of another soldier, bleeding out in the grass.

_“Commander... P-please. I fought for you... Make it stop... I’m ready. It is my... ch-choice to make...”_

Shadis brought the soldier peace then. But he cannot do the same for Eren. Not when he is bound by Carla’s promise.

_“Protect him. Please. For me.”_

 

Eren is filling the silence. “But I do understand about Armin and Mikasa... I promise not to encourage them. Or the others, Sir. It needs to be their own choice too. Hannes would understand that most of all, I think.”

Spoken like a true soldier. Shadis realises nothing will persuade Carla’s boy from this course.

* * *

 

Shadis never could say no to Carla, even after she marries Grisha. Heck, _especially_ after she marries the doctor and bears his child.

When she asked him to protect Eren, he does to the best of his ability.

Except the best of his ability is not enough. It never has been. Eren’s insistence on joining the scouting legion is only the last in a long list of failures to his name.

 

The first of any consequence was not trusting soldier Erwin Smith. Back then, Shadis felt the long range scouting formation which Smith insisted would help to be idealistic, overly complicated. He was loathe to change a sytem which had been in place for half a century.

At least that mistake is salvaged on the day when he finally breaks down completely, with just enough lucidity left to pass the command to Erwin Smith, who moulds into the role quicker than it takes some men to take a piss.

Erwin is firm but fair, sending a letter that evening to the central government announcing his promotion and suggesting that Shadis’ skills would be invaluable to the general training team.

 

Shadis is now sitting with his head in his hands, comprehending his latest failure. Yet he cannot help but be impressed with the kid’s determination. It was the same 2 years ago...

Shadis tampered with Eren’s 3DGM gear in just the right way for the problem not to show. Even maintaining a basic position was three times as difficult for Eren. In an effort to quicken the blow, he made sure to position Eren last or near last, hoping to break his resolve having seen his fellows perform the manoeuvres with relative ease, only to fail himself.

He chastised Eren severely, forcing him to watch Jean and Mikasa (the most talented of the squad) and who already achieve a grace in the air which some graduates will never reach.

But just when even Eren’s determination was close to crumbling, something Shadis had not planned for fired a cannon into the scheme...

 _He lost his resolve._ Completely dried up on the one quality that practically leaks from Carla’s boy.

Once Eren was in functional gear, the beaming grin on the kid’s face almost made Shadis forget that this last. Almost. Because whatever Eren thinks he wants, whatever potential he has as a soldier, Shadis promised to keep him from harm.

 

And if he can’t stop her kid from joining the scouts, there is one last point of attack.

 

Shadis dips his fountain pen to parchment to write the trainee’s graduation summaries.

Erwin Smith will not reject a graduate, but when he reads Eren’s summary, sure as the walls stand Eren will not be involved in important missions, let alone be placed anywhere near the front line.

It is the best he can do.

His chest feels lighter than it has in years with each swipe of the fountain pen. The weight of his promise to Carla finally eases as the trail of shining ink spells an end to Eren Yeager’s dreams...

 


	4. Chasing Dreams

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Say hello to the 104th trainees. Literally everyone!
> 
> Actual plot is next on the agenda and the two protagonists do need to meet. All I can say is that this is the calm before the next chapter.
> 
> As ever, thoughts much appreciated.

**Chasing Dreams  
**

It is an early summer night. The cadets’ sleeping quarters offer little relief from the muggy heat which seems to stick to everything. Eren is half tangled in the thin coverlet. His bare chest is damp with sweat and strands of messy brown hair plaster to his forehead. The cadet groans softly as he twists in his sleep, further exposing the tanned skin of his legs.

 

In his dream, Eren is soaring through an unfamiliar forest using 3DMG. The layers of rich scents are overwhelming. Fresh and earthy. Tasting like freedom. And Eren is sure that he has never seen so much green before. The journey through the tree line begins to feel like floating. Until –

 

A human figure darts into view ahead. And another. The colour of their cloaks is a shade deeper than the forest all around him. Eren knows those cloaks anywhere.

_Scouting legion!_

And not just regular scouts; Commander Smith and first Captain Rivaille! He has never met them. Has not even seen an image, but somehow he knows it is them.

 

Eren chases the figures in earnest. If he can just catch up, he will finally meet his heroes. Eren knows the commander and his first captain will be exactly what he imagines; power and strength personified.

 

The cadet tries desperately to keep up. It is a task made all the more impossible because he is wearing only night shorts. But the walls will fall before Eren lets something so insignificant as this slow him down.

The chase continues. The straps of Eren's 3DMG harness cut straight into his thighs and tighten across his chest. Shoulders strain, then burn as the leather chafes with repeated motion. _And since when was the blade holster this heavy?_ As if the training blades have been replaced with lead.

 

The air whips at the cadet's bare skin as he expends yet more gas, even as those green cloaks are swallowed up, far in the distance...

In a final act of desperation, Eren twists the gas to maximum. The world is reduced to a thick blur of green and brown. The cadet needs all his focus just to maintain direction and find the next hold for his wires:

_Branch. 11 o’clock, 50 metres._

_Branch. 4’oclock. 40 metres._

Eren swings low. The scouts are beyond sight but not beyond Eren's determination.

He swings again, and again... until-

 

— _Where are the trees?!_

Suddenly, there are none.

Leafy green makes way for a sheet of grey. An endless grey that he has only ever seen in the faded pages of Armin’s book.

 

_This water... it is t-the ocean!.._ he realises as his body breaks the surface.

The cadet’s open mouth fills with water. Panic overwhelms shock as he realises the danger.

_Can’t die here. Need to...  
_

_Need... to breathe! Need... live... NEED TO FIGHT!_

 

Eren knows how to swim but it is not elegant to watch and he is a long way under, limbs burning from the impact. He pumps his legs furiously and claws with curled fingers to reach the surface. The cadet emerges glistening and coughing, yet grinning despite the situation. Because he is in the ocean! And Armin’s book is right. it is salty.

Eren treads the water, twisting around to find the forest. Only for his face to fall in shock.

_Gone!?_ There is no land as far as he can see. Only water. Grey and endless. Blending into the iron sky.

The cadet suddenly feels cold. Exposed. _Terrified._ His limbs turn to jelly and he begins to sink. The slurping water swallows Eren whole, like he is a tasty offering.

 

* * *

 

 

Eren can still taste the salt when he wakes in a damp panic, breathing heavily into the thin pillow which is choking him. He turns onto his back and remembers the dream, details of which are slipping away fast like cupped water. _Ocean... he was drowning in the ocean..._ It gradually dawns on him that the sharp taste on his lip is not salt, but the trickle of his own sweat.

It is too freaking hot and should be illegal for the cadets to be cooped up in this airless dorm. He growls despite himself.

_Shit._ That better not have woken Armin.

Eren looks to his friend’s bunk and is relieved to see a lump under the covers. It wouldn’t be the first time he woke his blonde friend accidently.

_Wait._ Eren takes a double take at Armin’s bunk.

Can that really be Armin under there? _No._ Even his friend isn’t _that_ small. And there is no shock of blonde hair peeking out...

A quick poke around under the covers confirms Eren’s suspicion. Armin has sneaked out. He never does things like this!

The concerned brunette steps into some trousers and tugs on boots that are worn on the instep. The jacket he shrugs over his shoulders now clings around his upper body in ways it didn’t two years ago.

 

Outside of the sleeping quarters fireflies whiz about. But their light does nothing to pierce the darkness.

He whispers Armin’s name. Concern ebbs into anxiety. Eren is bordering on panic once he has searched the most likely places. Twice!

This is worse than if Mikasa was missing because Armin is the most cautious of their threesome. His oldest friend always thinks about things like consequences. And there will be plenty of those if Eren or Amin are caught outside after curfew. Consequences like a week cleaning the stable stalls, sanding training armour, swabbing the kitchen... With general training so nearly over, the 104th trainee squad seem to be doing more cleaning than ever between their final assessments.

It’s not the physical work which bothers Eren, but the fact that it contributes nothing to his skill set. If it is not going to help him fight titans, it’s of no interest. Eren can hardly wait to finally join the scouts. To put his cleaning days behind him for _real_ work.

He can’t wait to fight and to meet the people he has admired ever since he learned what the scouting legion is and what they do. The government reports deliberately do not publish images or descriptions of key military members for security reasons. So the scout’s mental images of Commander Smith and first Captain Rivaille are entirely of the cadet’s own creation. The commander is battle scarred and wiry with a voice which booms like Shadis yet is motivating rather than terrifying. The captain is magnificence personified. Tall, handsome and _strong_ more than anything. Stronger than Reiner, quicker than Annie, at least matching Eren in determination (the highest compliment Eren can give). Not to mention the captain must be always focused, never distracted...

 

_Oh,_ _right_. Eren pulls himself back to the present situation: finding Armin.

After the third check of the wash house, Eren has to admit that maybe his friend _has_ heard him whispering his name. Maybe Armin is simply choosing to be alone.

It tugs a little that Armin has chosen to wander off, instead of confiding in himself or Mikasa.

_Unless... he’s not alone at all._

An unlikely thought occurs. Could his friend be sneaking off for privacy? The sort that involves two people?

 

It’s possible. In his state of worry Eren wouldn’t notice if anyone else was missing from their bunk house. If he tiptoes back to the barracks now will he find Krista’s bed empty? She is almost as sweet natured as Armin... Or... or maybe... _Mikasa_?

It takes a moment for Eren to reassure himself that _he_ did in fact see Mikasa’s sleeping form on his way out. She always sleeps on her side with her knees tucked into her body. Curled up like a hibernating animal. It’s also about the only time his adoptive sister looks at peace.

 

The wave of relief on realising it isn’t Mikasa who Armin could be making out with (or worse!) is short lived. Because a frightening mental image of _Jean_ running his long fingers through Armin’s fine hair stops Eren in his tracks. Jean is in one of the other bunk houses, so Eren can’t reassure himself this time that the horse faced boy is snoring into his pillow even as the brunette’s heart is racing.

_But seriously. How is it that even in his imagination Jean is trying to piss him off? Talk about playing dirty._

And why is he imagining Armin with Jean, of all people? Everyone knows that horse face is with Marco, who actually puts up with him for who knows what reasons. Plus Jean is the complete opposite of the sweet, caring Krista who he can actually imagine Armin might find cute.

That’s if Armin even finds girls cute. He doesn’t even know if Armin is gay or straight. Not that Eren is that clear on things himself. Girls can be sweet, sure (except for Annie who is terrifying)... but he would be lying if he said that Marco wasn’t adorable too. Just in a different way. And Eren finds himself sometimes lingering on Reiner’s built shoulders, which are bared more frequently now it is warmer. And that's something completely different. The difference between a warm day and a fire. At first, Eren thought he was just appreciating the results of hard training. But now he can't deny that he just wants to touch those muscled shoulders, run his fingers down the man's spine. Knead the tension out of the planes of Reiner's back. Not that he can ever ask to do anything like that...

Armin meanwhile never shows interest in starting a relationship. Although he often plays the peacekeeper when things get sour between the other couples. Always the voice of reason and never the cause of conflict itself.

When Eren officially dated Sasha for what felt like the longest 2 weeks of his life, Armin had very little to say. Maybe he was trying to soften the blow for Eren. Armin probably knew Sasha was only in it for the food.

It’s just like his friend to work out a situation like that.

So why has he ran off now... or to who? Why can't Eren figure this out like his friend surely would if their positions are reversed?

 

A firefly buzzes close to Eren’s right ear. He turns and sees... _Armin?_

When Eren makes out the Armin-sized outline sitting against a tree trunk he has to stop himself from calling out. Once closer it is clear his friend has been crying. Worse, he doesn’t try to hide it. The water on his friend’s cheeks catches in the starlight and his dark pupils almost completely overwhelm the blue as Armin looks up at him. Or rather... _through_ him, as if Eren isn’t even there.

_Shit! If someone has done this to Armin._ Eren’s closed fists start to shake. Anger threatens to overwhelm Eren’s sense. It is the last thing his friend needs right now.

It bothers Eren that he is pretty useless at saying and doing the right things. Armin would know exactly what to say...

 

The blonde finally acknowledges Eren, his mouth forming a small o which quickly lifts into a weak smile. The effort behind Armin’s smile fails as the blonde realises Eren is not fooled. The brunette slides down the trunk beside him. The rough bark is cold on his back, even through the jacket. Eren notices Armin cradling something small in his lap. He thinks Armin’s small smile is not put on for show this time when curiosity gets the better of Eren.

“Armin, what is that?”

“I’m not sure what it’s called. It’s from my grandpa.” Armin says. His voice is soft and sad.

To Eren’s surprise Armin hands him the object. It is a cylinder made of some sort of metal, with a glass disk at one end and a dial at the other. It is a sign of trust that his friend nods encouragement when Eren hovers a finger over the dial.

“Look through it,” Armin says.

Eren does as instructed. There is not much to make out in the starlight, until he zones in on a cloud of fireflies.

“ _Wow_.” The glowing specks magnify in size, becoming dancing balls of light. “Armin – this is amazing – why did your grandpa not want it?”

 

Eren drops the cylinder from his eye to see his already small friend withdrawing into himself. His chin rests on his knees, which he hugs together tightly.

“He left it to me...” Armin begins. Eren’s green eyes widen in realisation. The cylinder slips from his fingers into his lap. “... in h-his will.”

The hug Eren gives his friend is crushing, until a small whimper from Armin forces Eren to relax into a more comofrting grip. His friend’s small hands nestle between his shoulder blades as the blonde begins to sob quietly into Eren’s jacket. “I-I’m sorry...”

“Why? There’s nothing to apologise for.”

“It’s been three days...”

_Three days?!_ “Armin... Why didn’t you tell me? Or Mikasa?” Eren breathes into his hair.

“Because I need to be strong!” his friend pulls away, features etched with a frustration which Eren has never seen in him before. It only lasts for a moment before Armin sighs deeply. “I need to be strong. Like you and Mikasa.”

Silence.

“And I know I’m not strong. But I’m _trying_. We’ll be graduating soon. I can’t let this get to me. I can’t be weak like this.”

“Armin...” Eren breathes, placing a hand firmly on his friend’s shoulder, waiting for those blue eyes to raise to his green ones . “You are so smart. But sometimes you just don’t get it at all.” The blonde blinks blankly at Eren, waiting for the brunette to continue. “It’s not weakness to care about those we have lost. It is...” _how to put this..._ “fuel for the fire. Even the most physically strong soldier needs a reason to fight. When you lose someone, it gives you more reason than ever.”

Armin makes a small sound. More than anything his friend looks lost.

Eren picks up the metal cylinder. “This is from the outside, right?”

Armin nods.

“We have nothing like it. But it’s made of things we do have. Metal. Glass. Maybe we can replicate it. Think how useful this could be on scouting missions. If anyone could work out how to make another, it’s you.”

His friend’s blue eyes light up at the thought, encouraging Eren to continue. “I don’t think your grandpa would have given you this if he thought you were weak. Or if he wants you to forget about him. Just think... if humanity wins then one day you could be passing this down for others to use. And they would see further than we ever could, even from the top of wall Maria!”

“Far seer...” Armin muses. “That’s what its called.” All of a sudden, his friend seems half a world away. And perhaps he is. Lost somewhere in the pages of his grandpa’s book. Eren is not worried. He knows Armin will think this all through later.

 

Let him chase the dream for a while longer. It's a dream shared by all of humanity (even if most are too afraid to admit it). The dream of exploring the outside world. Of knowing what is out there. Their dedication to making that dream a reality is one of the reasons why he and Armin are so close.

 

Eventually Armin comes back. He is sighing, thanking Eren, looking a little more himself.

“Come on.” Eren tells him. “Let’s get some sleep while we can.”

Armin doesn’t resist Eren’s gentle pull under the arm.

 

* * *

 

 

A month later and the trainees are just weeks away from graduation.

It is so soon until decisions havve to be made (although it's hardly a decision for Eren, others are still somehow undecided). And everyone is filled with tension. Some are anxious, like Connie who just can't decide which regiment to join and others are fidgety with excitement like Eren. Jean can’t shut up about how amazing his life will be in the MP and Bertolt half-jokes that it will make a nice change to have the company of soldiers who are past puberty.

 

Eren would be buzzing by now if it wasn’t for Armin, whose smiles are still more strained since the death of his grandpa. Eren hopes that when they join the scouts he will find a new energy.

But that is weeks away yet and Armin needs help now. Even if his friend won’t ask for it.

It is during the morning break that an idea pops into Eren’s head. An idea which might even have his blonde friend smiling fully again.

 

Let’s go out for summer solstice.” Eren suggests airily to Armin and Mikasa. “Properly out.”

Mikasa arches an eyebrow. “I thought you wanted to get more manoeuvre gear training in?”

_He does_ and their plan was initially to use the rest day to work over some of their weaknesses before final assessments, but Armin could do with getting out of the barracks. He needs to do something... normal.

Eren struggles to remember the last time the three of them did something which suits that description. It is so long since they did anything that isn’t fulfilling basic human needs or training...

“How about a picnic?” Mikasa suggests to the others’ surprise. They never had a proper picnic, even before joining the military.

She looks a little startled at their blank expressions. “I have some credits we can use for food...”

“I like that idea,” Armin says. “We could go to the lake.”

Eren is almost tempted. The air will be fresh and cooler down there. They can find shade under the willows. But this is not what Eren means by going properly out. As they are in the final year of training, permission is granted to leave the grounds on rest days.

“Or we could go outside of Trost.” Eren suggests.

“Oh.” Mikasa’s eyes go a little wider. If they do this, it will be the closest they have been to Shiganshina since the fall. “I quite like that idea.”

“So it’s decided,” Armin says. “A picnic outside of Trost. Perhaps by the river—”

 

Did you say PICNIC?!” Sasha barrels into the private scene.

 

_Does she even know she is licking her lips while looking at each of them in turn for confirmation?_

“Err, it was just going to be...” Eren begins. But then Connie appears too, smiling to brightly for Eren to finish his sentence... _for us._

It won’t be so bad having Sasha and Connie along. It turns out Connie has surplus credits too (somehow) and of course Sasha has plenty of creative suggestions on what food to prepare.

 

Unfortunately, things soon get out of control.

 

“If you’re really doing this, you gotta bring Marco,” Connie insists. He’s off before Eren can stop him and returns not just with Marco, but Krista and Ymir too. The latter has her arms crossed, foot tapping impatiently.

“This had better be good.”

“It is!” Sasha insists. “We’re having a picnic outside of Trost.” She points a finger at a confused looking Marco. “And you’re the cook!”

“Whah? Oh, no. I couldn’t,” the freckled trainee begins, backing away with his palms raised. Sasha matches his retreat with a hot pursuit. “No – really-”

She grabs Marco’s wrist possessively. “But Maaarco. You’re the only one who can cooook.”

“I can?” Marco could not look more shocked if Sasha told him he can fly.

“I still have dreams about your potato...”

 

And of course Jean would get wind of the conversation. The horse face edges into the small space between Marco and Sasha.

“What’s this?” Jean asks, eyes flicking darkly between the two before lingering on Sasha’s mouth. _“Why the fuck are you drooling at Marco?”_

“It’s a potato thing!” Connie helpfully points out.

“Yesss, Marco. _You do things to it_." Sasha drawls, "with that pointy thing.”

 

Jean forgets to be irritated. Now looking completely nonplussed.

 

“Fork?” Armin provides. Eren snickers. He is not surprised Sasha forgets the name of kitchen utensils. That girl would eat soup straight out of her hands if you let her.

“Yes, you poked it with a fork!”

“Oh...” Marco says. “That was to let the heat circulate more evenl—.”

“Shush!” Sasha stops him with a finger over his mouth. “A master never reveals his secrets. Just be the best and bring some of your potatoes to the picnic, Marco.”

“Uh-huh.” Marco is blushing slightly and nodding to Sasha.

 

“HEY! What picnic?!” horse face demands. “Were you all going on a picnic without inviting me?” His eyes narrow suspiciously between an enthusiastic Sasha and a slightly blushing Marco.

“I’m sure everyone is invited.” Marco says brightly, looking to Eren, Mikasa and Armin. “Right guys?”

 

Mikasa is looking at her feet. Eren knows she would much prefer it to be just the three of them, but there is no arguing with Marco, really. Eren looks to Armin, willing him to make the decision.

“I... err. I guess,” the blonde says. “Everyone can come who wants to.”

Krista leaps with the announcement, before realising Ymir is making an escape and hurrying after her.

Jean and Sasha are still vying for Marco’s attention.

Eren is secretly pleased with the outcome. Over the last few weeks tensions have been high and much of the good feeling among the 104th trainees has fallen under the shadow of their final assessments.. Jean, Reiner, Bertholt and Annie will easily make the top 10 so they can join the military police as desired. This isn’t stopping them from showing the likes of Eren and Connie up in areas they can never hope to match. Lately, it doesn’t take much to spark an argument and Eren finds himself smiling as he listens to his friends chattering excitedly about the summer picnic (as everyone is now calling it).

The brunette is looking forward to summer solstice. It is a chance to pretend things are normal for them. And that they’ll all see each other again in the years to come.


	5. Brightest Solstice

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The gang have their picnic outside of Wall Rose.
> 
> Eren wants to feel happier than he is.
> 
> There is a strange sight on the horizon...
> 
> An aside: Am going through a tough time this week and unfortunately set to continue. Updates may be more sporadic.

**Brightest Solstice**

 

Marco being Marco just had to tell Bertolt, Reiner and Annie all about the summer solstice picnic. But the two older men say they have a training schedule and Eren can only imagine Annie’s reaction. The anti-social blonde likely blinked blankly at Marco’s invitation or ignored him completely. Marco would have more luck inviting Commander Shadis.

He doesn’t think Annie’s refusal is personal. Just as it’s not personal when she kicks your ass without even breaking a sweat during sparring.

Eren has more bruises from Annie’s instep than anyone else is because he is determined to learn at least some of her moves: the low stance which Eren can’t decide is more cautious or confident, but does know is perfectly designed to defend against attack. And the jabbing fingers which so effortlessly find pressure points. And what Eren wouldn’t give to learn how she does that kick. You know the one. It’s the kick which takes Reiner down in one move as if he isn’t over twice Annie’s weight.

 

* * *

 

 

But he shouldn’t be thinking about who’s not here.

It’s said that the brighter the day of summer solstice, the luckier the rest of the year will be.

This is the brightest and hottest summer solstice Eren can remember.

 

The year ahead also holds the most promise. Eren is just 3 weeks away from realising his dream of joining the scouting legion. Armin, Mikasa, Sasha, Ymir and Christa are joining too, and he thinks he has just about convinced Connie.

However, Reiner, Bertolt and Annie are set on joining the military police. As are Jean and Marco.

Eren has long since stopped trying to convince Marco that the scouts are the better option- not because of any lack of determination -but because he sees how uncomfortable the topic makes his freckled friend. It’s like poking an injured animal. Every time Eren asks Marco why he wants to join the MP, he squirms and stutters. Eren suspects his reason for joining has a lot to do with his boyfriend, Jean rather than believing it is the right thing to do.

It’s a crappy reason to make that decision and Eren went as far as to tell Marco this once. However, he was stunned into silence when Marco pointed out that Mikasa is mainly joining the scouts for the same reason. His adoptive sister freely admits that she will follow Eren _anywhere_. Even to the most dangerous branch of the military... But at least Mikasa knows she will be doing the most good in the scouting legion. They’re the only division that fight titans after all!

 

Eren brings himself back to the present; the day of summer solstice. It is a holiday and the group are out of the general training grounds for the first time in years. He is surrounded by friends, food and sun. It should be a day to enjoy.

 

Armin has found a beautiful spot by the river Havel for their picnic. Eren is sprawled out under alder tree large enough to provide shade for everyone. He spends a few minutes simply listening to the swish of leaves and chatter of birds before propping up on his elbows to a sight which warms him to the core:

Everyone is in casual wear. Not a weapon or piece of training armour in sight. They could be a group of friends simply enjoying a day off. It’s so refreshingly normal to the cadet, who only now is realising how caught up everyone has been in the run up to final assessments.

Mikasa is unloading the picnic baskets while Christa neatly sorts out crockery and cutlery, humming while she works. Ymir is crouching close to Christa, with the excuse of ‘guarding the food’ but it looks more like she is protecting the petite blonde.

That said, Ymir’s presence might be for the best. Sasha is making her way to the picnic blanket on all fours with the focused, beady eyes of a hunter. To everyone’s surprise Sasha turned up wearing a long skirt, which Connie is now tugging in an effort to get her attention. The boy quickly lets go when Sasha turns on him with a growl (and not the playful kind). He blushes beet red and gives up on the pursuit.

But best of all, Armin is showing off his grandpa’s far seer to Marco, which looks even more stunning now Armin has polished it. The freckled boy is clearly fascinated, giggling as he points the far seer at the back of Jean’s head. Horse face is pretending not to be interested, looking out to the horizon, but turns around on feeling Marco’s breath on his neck. The freckled boy doesn’t realise quite how close he is and almost pokes Jean in the face with the brass instrument. Eren snickers, attracting a dark glare from the horse face himself.

Eren gets up to help Mikasa with the food, knowing Jean won’t follow.

The heat is thick in the air outside of the comfortable shade. It’s a good thing everyone has brought food which won’t spoil easily (not that anything will last long with Sasga about).

“Wow,” Eren says when Mikasa hands him the third picnic basket. He can’t remember the last time he’s seen so much different food.

Marco’s baked potatoes squish under Eren’s grip as he sets them out. He places a block butter nearby to drizzle into their fluffy insides. Eren’s unwraps the small crunchy rolls which he made. They’ll win no beauty contest, but should be just the thing to mop up Mikasa’s pea and mint soup. Then he discovers a huge bowl of Connie’s bean and chickpea cous cous. It’s a special recipe from his village.

A selection of small jars contain Jean’s contribution. He has knocked up a selection of dips: onion chutney, horseradish and minted cucumber which will accompany Sasha’s dubiously obtained pastrami and ham perfectly. It makes Eren suspect that they worked as a pair to steal the meat. Eren is honestly surprised that any made it into the picnic baskets.

When everything is unpacked and Mikasa announces that they can start, the cadets attack the offerings like starving dogs. Everything tastes amazing and Eren is not ashamed to say that he eats a bit of everything.

The tiny tomatoes in Christa’s salad are so ripe that they burst on the tongue. Armin’s gooseberry jam packs a punch which perfectly complements Ymir’s crumbly biscuits. Well... apparently they’re Ymir’s, but Eren struggles to picture the sour-faced girl in a baking apron. Christa probably made them.

Meanwhile, Sasha is not wrong when she says that Marco is the best cook. His mint and basil bread puts Eren’s dumpy bread rolls to shame. And Eren might be eating more than his fair share of his nutty flapjacks.

The sun is almost at its highest point by the time the last morsels are scoffed. Jean surprises everyone by whipping out a bottle of liqueur. It turns out to be brandy. The sweet, pungent smell reminds Eren of his father, who has been missing for 5 years. It is no mystery that his body was never found. The best that Eren can hope for is that his father is buried somewhere under the rubble of their home, and not slowly decomposing in a pile of titan vomit.

Eren is far away from his friends’ laughter as he brings the thimbleful of amber liquid to his lips. He downs the brandy, hoping it will mellow it out. But the burning taste has the opposite effect. The link between this drink and the life he used to know is too strong. He is remembering the fall, almost 5 years ago...

 

* * *

 

Eren finally struggles free from Hannes’ grip. The man who stole his last moments with his mother. Mikasa bites the soldier’s wrist, buying Eren more time to escape. They are beyond Shiganshina’s inner gate. People are everywhere. He leaps over smaller children and shoves his way through others. The metallic scent of blood and the keening of the injured tells Eren which way to go.

Eren’s heart leaps into his throat at the sight. It is not a hospit, more a gathering of tattered humans. Many are too weak to sit up, too bloodless to respond to the press of a partner’s hand or the weeping of their children. The worst lay alone; attended by neither loved ones or by medics. Lost causes, Eren knows.

 

He remembers the day when a dying man is brought to their home. His lips are ash grey. His breaths are slow and rattling. Eren expects his father to use medicine to ease the laboured breathing, or perhaps use the breathing tube when the man’s condition suddenly gets worse.

But Grisha does nothing.

He leaves the man and removes his gloves before vigorously washing his hands in the basin.

It is only when Eren speaks that his father notices him.

“Why didn’t you help?” he asks. Grisha responds that it is the person’s time to die. “So why didn’t you tell them?” Eren persists. If he was dying he would want to know. “I didn’t need to,” his father replies, “The man knows he will soon be at peace.”

Eren is only 8 at the time, but already has his sights set on the scouting legion. 2 years on, titans have breached his hometime and he is searching the makeshift hospit outside of wall Maria for his father. He wonders if death really does bring peace. Is his mother at peace now? Does his father know what happened?

Eren continues the search for his father. Every sniff of brandy or ammonia brings hope. His father will be just round the corner, or behind that sheet, or perhaps there is another hospit further along. Somehwere his father is right now, helping people as always. 

But there is not another hospit. Just as there is no one who has seen or will ever see Doctor Grisha Yeager again.

 

* * *

 

Eren passes up the 2nd shot of brandy, passing it to Armin instead who looks at him with a concerned expression. Eren puts on a smile to put his friend at ease. But Armin sees straight through even if he doesn’t realise why the brandy is affecting him. It isn’t the time to talk about the past, but Armin will not let up that intense stare until Eren does something. He stretches casually, announcing that he needs to stretch his legs. Armin follows, with the excuse that he wants to see if he can identify the flock of birds overhead with his far seer.

 

“I think they’re starlings," Armin muses.

Eren shrugs. He feels stupid for dwelling in the past when there is so much to look ahead to. And he feels awful for not being strong and cheerful for Armin, who has been so down after his grandpa’s death.

Armin sighs when Eren does not respond, lifting the far seer from his eye. “It’s okay not to be strong all the time, you know. A good friend told me that.”

“Yeah.”

“And it makes sense. Eren, no one _can_ be strong all the time.”

That strikes a cord. “Not true.”

“Name one person who never shows weakness.” Armin challenges.

For Eren, the answer is easy. “Levi Rivaille. First captain of the scouting legion, under Commander Erwin Smith.”

 

Armin starts to play with his nails. A nervous habit. Eren can tell from Armin’s expression that he isn’t going to like what Armin wants to say.

“I know they’re your heroes, Eren. But I don’t think they are strong _all_ the time. I don’t think that’s possible. As a whole, the scouting legion has much less freedom than before. There have been more failed missions than victories...”

“What are you trying to say, Armin?” Eren cannot keep the tension from his voice.

“Just that you don’t need to try so hard _all the time_. You will be brilliant in the scouting legion, but I am worried that you will overwork yourself in trying to match up to your impressions of your heroes.”

Eren lets out a breath of nervous laughter. “You’re talking like my ‘impressions’ are false. Like you don’t believe what you hear in the reports.”

“I like to keep an open mind. Until I see things for myself. I am sure that Captain Rivaille is a great soldier, but there are likely exaggerations.”

He is not a great soldier. He is _Humanity’s Strongest_. The best hope of defeating the titans!

 

It stuns Eren that his best friend has so little faith. The scouting legion _will_ take back Shiganshina. Just as they _will_ continue to develop new and better ways to kill titans. And one day- perhaps in his lifetime –the scouts will wipe titans from existence!

Humanity will be free again! That is worth working as hard as you can for. That is worth keeping yourself strong for, never giving in to weakness. It is worth everything Eren has to give. Everything so far is nothing more than the wait leading up to the chance to really make a difference.

 

“Eren?” Armin asks. The brunette realises he has said none of this. He is trying to control his rapid breathing. Trying to loosen his clenched fists. He is not angry at Armin, exactly... more taken off guard.

“You have nothing to worry about.”

“Eren, I didn’t mean to upset you—”

“Mmnot’set,” Eren gets out in a gush. He swallows thickly before continuing. “I’m not. Upset.”

Eren finally feels more in control of himself. He can’t let emotions rule him when he joins the scouts. He can’t let the past haunt him or the future terrify him.

Eren and Armin spend the next few minutes looking through the far seer. It is like having a super power and Eren mentions again how useful this could be in the fight against titans. Armin promises to do his best to figure out how it works. He was scared to dismantle the instrument at first, but thinks he knows a good way of doing it without causing damage.

Eren smiles at his friend and the peace between them is restored.

 

They return to the group who are lazing in the shade. The cool grass looks inviting and Eren is not disappointed when he lies next to Mikasa, who is sitting on her red scarf.

“Hey,” she says. “This was a good idea, doing this today.”

“Yeah,” Eren agrees. “We needed to get out, I think. Remember what we’re fighting for.”

“I never forget that.” Mikasa says seriously. “But I know what you mean. I like to imagine our children doing something like this.”

Eren does a double take even as Mikasa stares dreamily into the horizon. Children!? _‘Our_ children’ Mikasa said. Is she referring to children that he and Mikasa may someday have... _together_ or is he misunderstanding? Reacting to something that isn’t there... He doesn’t quite know what to say to his adoptive sister. He can’t imagine ever having children. With anyone, let alone with the only family he has left!

 

Eren is saved by Connie, who is announcing loudly that he can hear thunder. Which is stupid, because there are no clouds in the sky.

Except. Eren hears it too. So do the others. Jean’s laughter at Connie cuts off like someone has wrapped hands around his throat. The atmosphere suddenly goes rigid as the ‘thunder’ reverberates through their soft bodies. It feels like the sound is in the ground itself.

 

Armin has the far seer glued to his face. It only takes a few seconds for everyone to gather round, waiting with baited breath for what Armin can see.

“It’s... h-horses!” Armin declares. “Too many to count! F-fast approaching.”

 

_That many horses? It could only be..._

 

“The scouts!” Eren states for all to hear. “It must be them.”

“It is!” Armin confirms. But his friend looks more worried than ever. “They’re injured. Running away...”

 

No one asks from what. No one needs to.

 

Mikasa is on her knees. Her scarf is wrapped around her despite the heat.

“It’s happening again,” she breathes. “They’re going to take Maria.”

 

“WE HAVE TO GET BACK!” Christa screams. Others are agreeing, or arguing over what to do.

“EREN!” Mikasa yells. But Eren is already running at full pelt. He can just about make out the horses now. He is not going back over wall Rose to the training grounds. If Titans have broken through Wall Maria, if these really are the scouts ahead... then Eren will join their fight.

Armin is wrong. They can’t be running away... the scouting legion fight to the end!


	6. Follow the Fallen - Part 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I swear Levi and Eren will meet, technically in this chapter as its a 2-parter.
> 
> Also, next chapter will be along quicker than this one. My promise.
> 
> Your thoughts and criticism as ever are appreicated. <3

**Follow the Fallen - Part One  
**

Eccentric captain and researcher, Hange Zoë, is riding solely for speed. As much as it pains them, the russet courser between their thighs is lathered and desperate for rest. But Takeo is a brilliant horse and knows what is needed of him. The steed’s muscles course with power and his neck extends straight as an arrow in the direction of Wall Rose.

 _Thank you, Takeo,_ Hange breathes into his neck. They are seated so low in the saddle that their auburn hair blends with Takeo’s darker mane. The horse snorts in answer, seeming to understand that rest is far on the horizon and matching his will to his rider’s.

Behind Hange and the fourty two scouts fleeing Marian territory, titans wreck havoc on the unprepared villages. The hours of fighting near the breach in Wall Maria have resulted only in a scattered retreat. Just like in Shiganshina 5 years ago, the scouts arrived too late, there being no way to relay the situation with the necessary speed. An almost incoherent messenger from the garrison reached Commander Erwin around an hour after the colossal titan disappeared – although they did see the new menace people are calling the ‘armoured’ titan. Hange wished they could have gotten closer, but Erwin commanded that this titan be left to Levi’s team. The researcher was instead tasked with thinning the ranks of lesser titans.

Less than half an hour into their arrival at Wall Maria Erwin released the blue smoke: the signal for retreat and _failure._ Now there is nothing to do but regroup at Wall Rose before heading onward to the old scouting legion HQ in Hermina, which Erwin has decided to re-inhabit.

Hange is doggedly following Erwin’s orders, trying to swallow the bitterness of this command. The local garrison forces are practically wiped out and the military police are _still_ tucked away in Sina. As much as Hange trusts their commander, there must be another way other than handing over all of Maria to the enemy. For all their intelligence and drive, the researcher blames themselves for not thinking of some defence against another attack from the colossal titan.

Hange fights back the impulse to shriek and tug out their hair. Anything to release the pent up frustration making their blood boil. Or even better, to swing Takeo around to face the breach once more, see if anyone follows. Because although Maria is fallen, there are still lives to be saved and Hange is leading the scouts _away_ from the titans. The scouts reaching Wall Rose will effectively put a wall between the most capable military force and the titans spilling over all of Maria. All this in favour of retreating to the safety of their old HQ – a fortress abandoned for decades - when these same scouts could ( _should_ ) be fighting for humanity.

The Marian’s are not completely without aid. Erwin’s plan is for Levi’s unit to fight on, felling the armoured titan if possible. There is also a team of 50 out hunting the ‘snatchers’ before they reach Marian villages. Hange can only imagine the horror those child-favouring titans would leave in their wake.

 

In the Shiganshina missions these sub-species were actually a blessing, showing no interest in scouts or garrison troops who went about the salvage operations.

Hange begged Erwin again and again for permission to trap one in order to study this sub species but Erwin had refused, pointing out that Hange already has 2 research specimens, Sawney and Bean. As much as Hange has learned from their darling test subjects they are only normal titans. Slow and predictable compared to snatchers, which the researcher now knows can run at approximately double the speed. Not to mention that they do not need to slow down to scoop humans (children) from ground level with those long arms and distinctive clawed fingers.

But Erwin could only resist Hange’s resquest to trap a snatcher for so long. Now Hange finally has a new addition to the family: Bertie! And isn’t he a sweetie? Blond, 7m, big blue eyes (although what’s not big on a titan?) but best of all Bertie is not aggressive in the slightest. He seemingly doesn’t care where Hange sticks their instruments and is utterly compliant. The perfect test subject.

 

Hange twists in the saddle to see a handful of scouts trailing. Their horses are exhausted and the humans riding them are probably injured or worse. Hange will be damned if they lose any more. The captain has seen 5 of their best perish today. No more of scouts are dying today under their watch. And to fall behind _is_ to die. Just because Hange’s group are far to the West of the breached gate, it might not be long before some of the fastest abnormal types reach this area. Hange is torn between wanting them to come and reaching wall Rose before they do. But if titans do catch up, the formation needs to remain strong. No one can be left behind!

“Tighten the formation!” Hange turns to cry, receiving scattered sounds of assent from their scouts. “If a lone titan catches us up we encircle. Split for multiple targets. Otherwise, ride on for Wall Rose!”

“Captain Hange, people ahead!” calls Moblit, urging Hange to squint under their lenses.

Moblit is right. A group of teenagers are ahead and a scruffy-haired boy has broken away from them, running straight for Hange. What is this boy up to? Do they not know to evacuate to Wall Rose? How many other groups of children are out here enjoying their summer solstice, oblivious to danger soon to engulf the whole of Maria?

Hange is forced to slow Takeo or run this boy down. The horse prances to a halt and stomps a hoof restlessly. The rest of the scouts grumble behind as they too slow their panting mounts, but Hange raises a hand for silence. The captain will hear the boy, but that does not mean they plan on stopping for long.

“I’m... Eren!” the red-faced brunette puffs. The boy’s green eyes are fixed on Hange even as he clutches his sides. “I’m...joining the scouts.... I can fight! So can they.” He points to his group of wide-eyed friends. _So the boy has deduced what’s going on. Not only that, he wants to help._ At other times Hange might admire this resolve but unfortunately now is not the time.

Hange glances at the trainees Eren is pointing to and scans their ranks for spare horses. There should be enough and these trainees can surely ride. The researcher concludes that there is no harm in taking them to the wall. Indeed, after today, the military will need every recruit. And who knows? Perhaps Hange’s actions will encourage some more of these trainees to join the scouting legion. For all of this boy Eren’s bravado, not all of his friends look so eager to mount up with the scouts. A skinny, ash blonde looks almost murderous, Hange flashes the youth a disarming grin, delighting in his conficted expression.

Hange notices Eren is seemingly recovered from his run, straight backed, fist clenched to his chest in the scouting legion salute. “Take us to fight! Please...” he begs. Hange decides that they will take the trainees, but surely this recruit knows they are heading for onwards to Wall Rose, not back towards the breach.

“Eren, is it?” Hange asks without pausing for an answer. “I’m scout captain Hange Zoë.”

Eren’s green eyes light up in what can only be described as wonder. “ _Hange Zoë!_ You... you literally wrote the book on abnormals – everything I’ve ever read!”

Hange humours the boy with a toothy grin, despite the urgency of the situation. “Yeah, we can sort out the details for the fanclub later. We’ll take you and your friends to Wall Rose. But most of you need to ride two to a saddle. Mount quickly now, titans could catch us up any minute!”

“Wall Rose? But—”

“—If you truly want to be a scout, try heeding the captain.” Moblit wisely suggests.

Hange nods quickly, noticing Eren is looking determinedly past Takeo’s legs towards the distant battle. His low stance with one leg forward signals that he is about to run.

“If you plan on running to Wall Maria, I’ll write a book about your suicidal act as a warning for all the other _children_.” Hange makes their voice sharp and their eyes sharper. Anything to snap the boy’s delusion that he can fight titans unarmed with only basic training.

The words spark a flare of anger in Eren’s green eyes. The captain reaches forward to hook a finger under his shirt collar before he can make a move. Eren reddens with embarrassment but doesn’t try to escape. “Now, mount up before you make me regret it.” 

“Yes, Captain...” Eren’s tone suggests he is not quite cowed, but it is enough for Hange. They are not Levi, after all. 

“You’ve got fire, Eren. Welcome to the scouts.” Hange grins again, releasing him. A dark haired girl moves forward to pull Eren roughly back by the shoulder. Hange’s eyebrows arch at the force of the action. Someone’s possessive now...

“We appreciate the help,” the girl says so coolly that it is hard to believe her.

“Excellent! Now everyone in the saddle before titans catch us up.”

“Is she joking?” asks the sharp featured blond who looked almost murderous earlier.

“Shut up, Jean!” Eren snaps. Only the girl’s grip on the crook of his arm prevents him from storming over to the slyly smirking blonde.

“You’re welcome to hang around and find out!” Hange calls to Jean cheerfully. “You and your girlfriend might need to share a horse,” Hange directs at Eren who is mounting a sandy mare while the dark haired girl looks about for another horse.

“She’s my sister!” “He’s my brother!” the pair say simultaneously.

“Whatever. Everyone find a horse buddy? Good. Ride like your life depends on it. ‘Cause it does!”

 

There are still leagues to go before reaching Wall Rose. The lazy wisps of smoke and rough outline of low buildings signal a village, almost certainly unwarned. Hange estimates it must only be a 20 minute detour at most. It is against orders but the researcher is tugging Takeo’s reigns regardless, unable to quell the desire to warn the unsuspecting villagers. Perhaps even escort the refugees if they have horses. It is the least the scouts can do and might be the last opportunity to help before reaching the ‘safety’ of Wall Rose.

“We ride for the village,” Hange declares to the others before anything can change their mind.

 

* * *

 

The sight of the village is so detached from the bleak reality that it is like an oasis from Armin’s book: a glittering blue and green refuge tucked within fields of sand. Here there are reflections of normal life. The sort Eren used to take for granted in what now feels like a life some other _Eren_ must have led.

The half-familiar smell of wood smoke is heart warming, if only for a few moments before it dawns on Eren that their arrival will shatter this image like a pebble striking a still pond.

The calm is already dissolving as the first villagers hear the thunder of hooves and shout an alarm.

Door after door bursts open. Men shout the news further into the bowels of the village and congregate towards the sound while mothers approach cautiously, holding the young ones close to their skirts. Some escape their mothers’ fingers and join the older children climbing onto the low boundary fence to watch. Planks of wood groan under the weight as the children clamour for the best position. Their bright eyes remind Eren of when he, Mikasa and Armin eagerly watched the scouts departing for an operation outside of the wall.

It angers him to see the contrasting coolness in the adults, their expressions narrow with distrust. Some of the men are even passing around tall farming tools, as if in self defence. It strikes Eren that this might be the first time these Marians have seen scouts. It is easy to see how this mounted division could appear intimidating.

Captain Hange realises this, commanding the others to slow their horses while they approach alone. The auburn haired captain dismounts to speak with a bushy bearded man who can only be the village headsman. Eren cannot hear the words spoken, but the headsman’s low rumble contrasts with the shrill, panicked sounds of the villagers as they overhear news of the breach into Maria.

 _Titans..! Coming... Titans..._ becomes a mantra whispered by young and old alike.

“There are not enough mounts,” Mikasa remarks when the villager’s horses are assembled. Mikasa is squeezed in behind Eren on their shared saddle. The horse they are riding is sandy with a white star on its forehead, its flanks grimy with mud and reddish flecks.

“No,” Armin agrees from the back of a fidgety, grey courser with a mane matted with blood, some of it fresh and staining his friend’s palms. “They will have to choose who stays behind.”

 

The arrangements are agreed quickly. The incoming threat outweighs the difficulty of the decision. After some jostling around among the riders, there is room for 8 of the villagers’ children. Any more will slow the horses too much.

Armin comments on the good sense of Captain Hange’s rearrangement of the formation. The children are placed with the wounded scouts at the centre, for protection and to ensure they do not fall behind. Alternating scouts and trainees riding double flank the central group. This time Hange takes the rear, placing one of her subordinates at the head. Armin says this is because the chance of danger from behind is so much greater now that they have made this stop.

His friend’s theory is confirmed when Captain Hange orders the trainees and a portion of the scouts to keep riding should titans approach. If they do, a dozen of the force including Captain Hange will intercept the threat.

 

For about the 50th time Eren curses that he is unarmed. In what seems like a lifetime ago when they were all enjoying their solstice picnic his friends relished the chance to wear casual clothing. But Eren doesn’t feel as free in his lose shirt as he does in his slightly too small military jacket and misses the familiar feel of leather straps taut around his legs and torso. What he wouldn’t give for a set of gear and blades now so that he can join the scouts in fighting if titans catch up...

Almost an hour later Eren falls into a false sense of peace, aided by Mikasa’s familiar form pressed against his back and the rhythmic motion of riding their sandy steed. This is good. The best that can be hoped for under the dire circumstances. Earlier he was too blinkered by rage and the urge to fight to appreciate the facts. He is riding with the scouts! And although Captain Hange is taking them to Wall Rose, perhaps he can persuade the captain to take the trainees on to their HQ. The 104th squad are almost graduated after all (and surely a breach of this scale changes priorities)

It is strange to think that the wait is finally over. For Eren, the fight begins now. The chance to avenge his mother’s murder is finally something tangible rather than the threads of an idea always beyond his grasp.

Eren and Mikasa are riding behind two more pairs of trainees, Ymir with Christa and Sasha with Connie, the pairs separated by a hook nosed scout with dark cropped curls and another, younger scout with a scar scoring his left cheek. A little to their right are the scouts paired with children from the village, Armin is among them with the heaviest child. Most are so small that they are hidden completely by the scouts’ bodies and flapping cloaks but Eren spots a thin arm or flash of hair here and there.

A harsh cry from behind and Mikasa is twisting behind Eren.

“Titans! Coming up fast!”

Jean spurs his and Marco’s spotted horse until it is overtaking the sandy mare. The captain’s formation snaps into two as the dozen scouts follow Hange toward the approaching threat. The captain holds a blade aloft. The flash from the hardened steel is blinding in the sun. The captain bellows a war cry with a ferocity that Eren can hardly believe possible.

“There’s three of them!” Mikasa breathes raggedly into Eren’s ear as they ride on as instructed. He twists so he can see the three forms of titans. At this distance they could almost be human sized. As the seconds pass Eren can make out the quick swinging of limbs. _Too fast..._ like the swinging levers of a crank machine.

Eren prays to deities he doesn’t even believe in _. Sina... Rose... Maria..._ _let these dozen scouts be enough. Let Captain Hange live._

Eren doesn’t think he can live with himself if any of these scouts die - because it would partly be his fault for intercepting them in the first place – for taking up time in which they could be making for the wall.

 

* * *

 

 

All too soon the type of titans approaching becomes clear. Snatchers... Shit! Shit! Fucking shit! They’re after the children.

Hange has no one else to blame. It was their decision to rescue children – children who attract the attention of these most feared titans – and for good reason. Horror dawns on the others’ faces as they realise. They can only watch as the first snatcher steps over them in favour of the ragged band of wounded scouts, trainees and children. Children which will soon be devoured if Hange cannot bring down these snatchers.

It is hard enough to use 3DMG from horseback, but now the usual distraction techniques are out of the question. These snatchers do not react to anything other than their young prey. Their experiments on Bertie prove that snatchers are also impervious to pain, mutilation and cannot be fooled by a cutout of children, the scent of children. Only the presence of a real child will motivate them to attack. Snatchers generally drift about aimlessly (and harmlessly) in the absence of such a target.

These snatchers are literally drooling with the prospect of scoffing the villager’s children.

Hange has to _try_ even if the snatchers are too fast and too blinkered for normal tactics to be effective.

They bark a command to hook in groups of 4, a risky tactic yet worthwhile for maximising the chance of someone reaching the nape. Ethan, Willow and Sicha fire with Hange at the first snatcher.

It is already further away than ideal and Ethan and Sicha miss. Willow and Hange’s hooks find a bicep each. They may as well be brushing the snatcher with a feather for all the notice it gives.

However, the lack of attack does not mean that snatchers are simple to bring down. Anything but. The anatomical differences to the rest of their kin make for increased speed, but also a more vigorous gait. Hange springs their feet off the snatcher’s chest as Willow swings by. Her movement is not intention but a result of the snatcher’s vigorous motion. Willow flails on her wires, struggling to find purchase or draw herself nearer to the nape.

Hange makes a mistake too in kicking too harshly from the snatcher’s heated skin. Their wires almost intercept as Willow swings by once more. Hange recovers themselves, ending up near the shoulder. This time the captain kicks lightly, hooking a wire into the titan’s sallow cheek to make the final swing.

_But it is too late._

The tinny sound of screams fills their ears as the snatcher leans forward to scoop the first child, horse and all. Hange can only dangle from their wire until the snatcher rights itself in preparation to eat its prey.

It is the snatcher’s attempt to separate child from horse which gives the captain the single moment needed to close the distance to its nape. Hange is so focused on their goal that they don’t hear the crunchy squelch of the horse between clawed fingers. Blood and hair leak from the snatcher’s clawed fingers until it finally drops the crushed horse. It lands in a wet heap. The snatcher’s jaw creaks audibly as it opens wide and dangles a girl before its teeth. Hange’s nostrils are full of the stench of rotting meat – its previous meals – as they finally twist the hardened steel into the nape.

Willow comes into her own as she pries the girl from the titan’s palm and swings them both beyond range of the now falling titan.

Hange cannot savour the victory.

The formation is shattered. At least three of their dozen scouts are dead and one snatcher still remains, chasing a sandy coloured horse. No... that’s not right. Eren and his sister, Mikasa are riding that mare. Studies have shown that snatchers lose interest in children beyond the age of 10-12. This changes everything the researcher knows about the sub-species!

 

Hange recovers from the shock, realising Takeo’s ears are twitching, waiting for orders. They head towards the final snatcher. Willow is by their side but she is the only one. The rest of the team must be ahead.

Hange capses a glimpse of something dark in the corner of their vision, expecting to see Ethan or Sicha.

The researcher does not expect to see Levi. The first captain is seemingly uninjured but alone other than his dark grey stallion.

Where is Levi’s team? Where are Petra, Auruo and Eld? Surely Levi would not leave his team behind at the breach. Hange’s mind is filled with possibilities, each darker than the last. But as Levi draws closer it is the expression of the man himself which is most disturbing. His features are set into an icy fury and even at a distance Levi is emitting a darker-than-usual aura. Hange calls out to him once, twice, but there is no answer.

Levi overtakes in cold silence, riding straight as an arrow for the snatcher pursuing Eren's and the girl. It should be a good thing, but Hange cannot swallow the awful feeling roiling in their gut as the man unsheaths his blades.


	7. Follow the Fallen - Part 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> See, the protagonists do meet eventually!
> 
> Oh and I'm sure you're already desensitised but there's a fair bit of gore in this chapter. Don't worry, Marco doesn't die or anything... still reeling from the latest Anime update. All my feels.

**Follow the Fallen: Part Two**

 

“How many now?!” Eren’s voice is raw from shouting over the roar of snatchers. The ear-piercing onslaught seems to come from every direction.

“Two left!” Mikasa answers.

Just two? It sounds like there could be half a dozen at least. Eren jolts himself into panic when he mistakes his rapidly thumping heart for the pounding steps of a titan in full sprint.

A jagged screech louder than anything so far has them both wincing in pain. It takes all of Eren’s willpower not to turn in the saddle to see what just made that ear-splitting sound.

_This is so wrong! Should be fighting! Can’t just run away and let this happen!_

 

Three years of gruelling training. A steel determination when getting to grips with even the basics of 3DMG seemed impossible. Endless hours putting his body through pain and hardship, all to hone his body into that of a fighter. All to be able to fight on a day such as this... Only to be instructed to run.

Just like Captain Hange commanded, the ragged group of trainees, wounded scouts and children are fanning out as widely as possible while bearing for the slither of shadow which is Wall Rose.

But Eren can’t keep doing this. There has to be a way to be more than another pathetic victim in this fucked-up situation...

 

It is ages before Eren hears Mikasa calling his name. Screaming it in a terrified pitch which Eren never wants to her voice form again. She is practically holding him in place, arms hooked around his biceps too tightly. There’ll be bruises later but right now Eren is oblivious to anything other than the raw fury coursing unchecked through his veins.

The rest of the 104th squad are also fleeing, flat to the necks of their heaving mounts. Eren spots a rider-less horse and it doesn’t even occur to him that its previous riders must be dead. The horse is coming up fast on the right. There isn’t time to think twice about what he is about to do.

“Don’t follow! Please!” he begs of his sister, simultaneously jerking the reigns towards the other horse and scooting up as far as possible.

“DON’T YOU DARE!” she screams, realising his plan. But it is too late and they both know it.

Their startled mare almost crashes into the overtaking horse, so it’s easier than Eren expected to swing into the empty saddle, leaving a crazed Mikasa back on the sandy mare. He’s banking on this new horse being in better condition to keep Mikasa from keeping pace with him. Eren deadens himself to her threats and cursing. _Now to find a way to fight._

 

He meets other shocked trainees on his backwards flight.

"Eren. Nooo!" Christa looks about ready to leap from the saddle until Ymir wraps an arm around her. “Please Eren, it's not safe!” Marco tries while Jean adds, “Well, if you _want_ to be a suicidal bastard!”

Thankfully, Mikasa is trailing far behind despite her efforts.

 

Eren releases a breath he didn’t realise he was holding as he glimpses what can only be the steaming corpse of one of the snatchers. And another...

Every direction is thick with horses and people. Some definitely weren’t there before and must be escaping from other villages nearby.

 

The chaos has Eren recalling Armin’sgrave suggestion from earlier: that this is a _cleverly_ _planned_ attack by the titans.

“It has to be, Eren.” The blonde had said. “The solstice marks our longest day of summer. Titans have the edge because they are able to fight longer before the sun sets and they lose energy... and so many people leave the cities to enjoy their day of rest. We’re spread thin and that means our defences are too.”

 

It’s a grave thought. Right up there with being unarmed – and let’s face it – perceived as _helpless_ by the scouts he very soon is meant to be a part of.

But remembering Armin’s words is sparking something which Eren can’t believe he has forgotten. The evacuation was deliberately spread thin for greater evasion. He’s seen everyone so far from the 104th squad. All except one.

_“Where’s Armin?”_

Eren twists about dangerously in the saddle but cannot see past the immediate wall of riders around him. Luckily, a distant-sounding shriek gives Eren somewhere to aim for. He kicks his heels into the horse’s flanks and aims for the source of the sound.

 

Eren spots a group of five horses, then the snatcher itself heading towards the scouts and children. The snatcher is a bloody mess from the knees down where some of Hange’s team must have tried to bring it down and reach the nape. But this does nothing to slow it down.

Hot pebbles of fear burn through him as he spots Armin at the rear of the group with a child riding behind. They will be the first the snatcher reaches! Further to Eren’s horror, Mikasa has somehow closed the gap and is shooting daggers at Eren. But he can worry about his sister’s retribution later should they all somehow reach Wall Rose alive.

It turns out Eren was wrong. Armin isn’t the closest target. Set apart from this group is a scout listing so badly in the saddle that Eren suspects he’s unconscious. And a child clinging desperately to his shoulders.

Eren can hear Mikasa’s ragged intake of breath as the snatcher flings an outstretched hand forward towards an injured scout and child.

There’s nothing anyone can do.

Blood sprays from the titan’s palm like a rain of fat rubies as it drops the twisted corpse of the riders’ horse.

The victims in its other hand don’t stand a chance. The titan brings both hands together so both child and scout are trapped in a cage of long fingers. Their combined screams are swallowed by the piercing screech of their captor, which is clicking its jaw open to better manage its meal.

It is with fresh horror that Eren realises he has lost sight of Armin again. Eventually he spots him, clinging to the bloodied grey courser which is now veering off alone. A child almost as tall he is rides flush against Armin’s back. _Shit._ Armin’s horse is attracting attention all by itself, changing direction mid sprint as if manoeuvring to outsmart a predator.

Eren and Mikasa continue towards Armin, expecting that the snatcher will turn its attention to him next.

 

Except... that’s not what happens.

 

Eren swears the titan stares straight at him with haunting yellow eyes. His horse feels it too and decides to ignore Eren’s protests and flee the fast-approaching titan. Mikasa’s horse balks too and there is nothing to do other than cling to their heaving necks.

It barely seconds before the unmistakable thudding of the pursuing titan reverberates through their bodies. A few moments later, Eren can hear the gnashing teeth of the snatcher behind them.

Close.... too close! Behind us! Catching us! _No... above us!_

Eren doesn’t know if the screaming is coming from him, Mikasa or both of them. Years ago, they protected each other from the excuses for men who murdered Mikasa’s family, but today they don’t even have a rusty blade or broom handle with which to defend themselves.

The stench of flesh hits in a foul wave, gagging him. Something slippery falls into Eren’s hair. He raises his chin to see yellow eyes shining like twin moons. Rust-stained teeth spread in a too-wide grimace.

For a moment the gruesome sight is replaced by sky as the horse banks sharply. But Eren knows that there is no escape now. Right fist clenched against his heart, Mikasa’s clasping her red scarf in a death-grip. This is how it will end for both of them.

 

_There are so many things Eren hasn’t done... will never be able to..._

And Mikasa will never get her chance to shine. With her skill and his determination, surely they would have made a difference in the scouts. Surely their lives would have _counted_ for something.

Eren’s only consolation is that he got to spend his last hour on horseback like a true scout. The knowledge is just enough for Eren to clench his thighs tighter around the horse, determined to remain in the saddle until the very end. Time seems to stand still as the titan’s shadow sweeps over them once more.

 

It dawns on him that perhaps this shouldn’t even be happening – snatchers are infamous for only preying on children, right? Why is this one interested in them anyway?

Perhaps it could still stride past and Eren begins to hope. His hope is not to live, so much as to have the chance somewhere in the future to die with blades in hand, satisfied that he has ended many titans in his given time.

The knot of hope falls apart when those sticky fingers extend, milliseconds away—

_Shhhng! HYAGHH!_

The sound of a 3DMG wire retracting rings high and clear. It might be the most beautiful thing Eren has ever heard.

The tips of two bony fingers shoot past his cheek to collide with his mount’s neck, leaving a bloody smear on its brown coat. But it isn’t enough to stop the snatcher’s now bleeding palm from slamming into Mikasa’s back. Its remaining fingers close around them both, slowly squeezing the air from their lungs.

But the scout who severed the snatcher’s fingers is back. Eren can only move his neck a fraction and therefore can only catch a glimpse of a dark haired man. Maybe it’s the lack of oxygen, but this scout seems to be moving with impossible speed – and there is no other word for it, _grace_ – as he methodically hacks at the snatcher’s weak points.

Eren and Mikasa brace themselves for impact when the scout expertly slices the tendon at each ankle. But the expected collision with the ground never comes as the titan topples forward. Already dead.

 

A blissfully cool hand slips under his collar as Mikasa is similarly lifted and deposited safely onto the grass. Eren truly sees their rescuer for the first time and is slack jawed with shock.

He is expecting one of the scouts from the formation. But Eren surely would remember seeing this man if he was with Captain Hange earlier.

Those icy grey eyes are not ones you would soon forget. Nor his high cheekbones or skin which is a shade of moonlight. Much paler than Eren is used to seeing.

Their rescuer is shorter than Eren, actually. But that does nothing to diminish his powerful aura. Eren’s first instincts are to babble in thanks, but the man’s expression stops him short. Or rather, his lack of expression.

You see, there is no victory in those cold, grey eyes. Not even a flicker of relief. It’s like this scout is somewhere far away, even though he is standing right here. Oh, well he _was._ Now he’s... walking away without saying a word like nothing just happened.

 

“Hey!” Eren calls, taking long strides to catch up with the man.

“Eren, wait!” Mikasa calls, clutching at her side as she tries to follow.

It’s not that Eren isn’t guilty for leaving Mikasa behind when they both almost died. But he can’t let this scout disappear without thanking him for saving their lives! And he’s moving pretty quickly despite his short stature...

But Eren isn’t in the best shape himself. Either way, the scout isn’t slowing down for him and seems intent of ignoring him.

 _Fuck like that is going to happen._ He will thank this man, even if it does him further injury to the rib he suspects might be broken, from the way even the shallowest breath sears on the way in.

But before Eren can properly catch up, someone with red hair is sprinting towards the man with arms flung wide. _Captain Hange_ , Eren realises. The dark haired scout must recognise them, but still doesn’t alter his pace. For a moment Eren thinks Hange is about to leap into his arms, but they pull short at the last second.

“LEEEVIIII!”

 _Wait. What?_ Eren can’t have heard right. _Levi. Captain Levi Rivaille? – Eren’s hero for as long as he can remember!?_ This dark haired man is the legendary Humanity’s Strongest?

In one single moment all of Eren’s expectations and beliefs about the famous Captain Levi Rivaille fall away like ashes in the wind.

 

Eren isn’t aware of walking the rest of the way to where Hange and _Levi_ are. He hovers nearby and is finding that breathing is becoming ever more painful as he observes his hero up close.

Hange is beaming but still Captain Levi gives nothing back. This man is like a ghost. An angry one that can’t depart this world without enacting some vengence. His eyes are steely grey and framed by long dark lashes. Eren imagines those eyes could be breath taking, if they were not so... cold. Like flakes of trodden ice. Eren’s breath tightens in agony when they flicker towards Eren with cool disregard, looking straight through him for a moment before settling back on Captain Hange.

 

“What happened?” the researcher asks. “Where’s Petra? Auruo? Eld? Did you kill the armoured titan?”

The silence expands awkwardly until Levi finally cuts into it. “Never mind that.” It is the first time Eren has heard Levi speak. His voice is smooth yet heavy, and exuding power.

“But—” they try. But Hange doesn’t stand a chance when Levi’s voice sharpens like one of his honed blades.

“What are all these fucking brats doing here? You should already be at Wall Rose.”

“Oh, you know me! Improvised a teeny, tiny bit.”

He stares blankly at the researcher.

“...I had to help them, Levi. Just _look_ at them!” Hange points to a frightened huddle of village children. Two boys who might be brothers are refusing to remount a horse. Others hold vacant expressions, too exhausted to do anything other than sit obediently in the saddle.

“Hmmph. What about these?” _Oh god._ Levi’s grey eyes are planted right on him now. And Mikasa... who has caught up and looks ready to murder Eren, sibling or no. “Bit old for babysitting aren’t they?” Levi observes coolly.

Eren thought it was bad when Levi’s looked straight through him like he doesn’t exist. But _this_... this is so intense. And for reasons Eren can’t begin to understand he is matching Levi’s icy gaze as best he can. He thinks the captain’s eyes narrow slightly at that but can’t be certain. All that’s certain is that this is somehow _more_ _intense_ than being almost eaten alive.

It is because of this that the brunette doesn’t notice that it’s not only Mikasa who has caught up, but everyone else too until the moment where Armin’s small hand interlinks with his own.

 

To everyone’s surprise, it’s Marco who speaks up for the trainees. “We’re not children. We're part of the 104th trainee squad!” he declares, “and we’re here to fight! We have 2 more weeks until graduation, but as humanity needs its fighters _now_ , here we are.”

Jean looks understandably mortified at his boyfriend’s words. Eren too is staring at Marco with a dumbfounded expression. Wasn’t he going to join the MP with Jean? Looking now at the set jaw of his freckled friend, perhaps not. Maybe today changes everything. Maybe Jean, Annie, Bertolt and Reiner will decide to join the scouts too – to join the true fight for humanity’s freedom!

 

Eren’s right fist unconsciously finds its way to his chest; a familiar pressure against his thrumming heart. Levi’s grey eyes fall on him again, this time with apparent disinterest before flicking to Jean who has his arms crossed and is looking ready to stomp, charge, or whatever a horse-face does when he’s pissed but knows he can’t win this fight.

“Walk to Wall Rose if you prefer. No one will stop you.” Levi dares him.

Jean literally snorts at that (and he wonders why people call him horse-face) but his sneer soon melts away under the renewed force of Levi’s glare.

Shit... of all the things Eren imagined, it was never that Humanity’s Strongest would also be so... terrifying. Yet Eren still can’t look away as others are doing. And while Hange speaks about how it makes sense to take any trainees along to HQ if they wish, Eren isn’t paying full attention.

 

It is painful to think how insignificant he must appear to the First Captain. So weak that he needed saving. This isn’t how it was supposed to happen. If the titans could just have held off for a few more weeks then perhaps Eren would have met his hero in entirely different circumstances. Perhaps he could have impressed him, or at least come off as capable and determined.

Still, Eren has mixed feelings about being rescued. Because he is remembering how Captain Levi’s cool fingers felt against the nape of his neck. And the place still tingles a little just from thinking about it.

The melting pot of mixed feelings grows more confusing when he glances up at Levi once more and thinks he catches Captain Levi looking at him. One blink of those long lashes and Eren thinks he must have imagined it.

Make no mistake; Captain Levi Rivaille is nothing like Eren expected. He doesn’t look heroic like Eren imagined and comes across as consistently cold... perhaps even cruel.

So how is it that the real Levi is somehow better for all this? The realisation is something that Eren is in no fit state to examine. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> By the way. I am quite ill and shouldn't really be writing anything. I'll love you forever if you find any glaring errors my tired eyes can't see.


	8. Choose

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The gang have reached the relative safety of Wall Rose. Some feels. Some Jean-Marco. 
> 
> I hate being ill. ._. makes it hard to think. Thoughts appreciated as always.

**Choose:**

Commander Erwin Smith is everything Eren imagined. There is... _was_ a stone figure of a man outside of Shiganshina’s MP centre called ‘Humanity’s Hope’. The statue stood half again as tall as Eren’s father and his straight-backed pose with one steady arm aloft always seemed intimidating and graceful all at once. Erwin Smith is like that statue brought to life. His sharp blue eyes demand respect and his clear, strong voice is made to be obeyed.

The commander addresses the trainees and his returned scouts in a cavernous room within Wall Rose. Although he arrived barely half an hour ago, the weariness of battle does not reach his eyes, nor does his voice exude any of the pain he must feel for having lost so many men.

Before Erwin began speaking he and Hange spent a few minutes in hushed discussion. The researcher points in the trainee’s direction more than once and Eren is waiting with baited breath to hear whether the commander will agree to take them onwards to the scout’s HQ.

Armin’s grip on Eren’s sleeve tightens when the commander’s clear blue eyes finally turn to the trainees.

“As for the young recruits, Captain Hange has informed me that some of you may wish to join our ranks. You have seen what we face. And do not be fooled into thinking this is the worst of it. If you choose to join my ranks, yours may be a short life. But know also that it will be a life of purpose. That you will stand proudly in the front line in the battle for our Humanity. If you wish to join the military police, the garrison or are yet undecided, then Captain Hange will escort you to rendezvous with Commander Shadis. It also goes without saying that should you join us now, the decision is entirely provisional until such time as Shadis can send your final reports. For now, you will assist in making our former HQ fit for purpose. Any questions?”

Sasha and Christa share a pained look while Jean rolls his eyes. “More cleaning...” Connie sighs. Even Ymir is wrinkling her nose at the prospect. Eren doesn’t get what everyone’s problem is. So what if their scout training doesn’t start straight away. It’s only until Shadis can send their reports. That can’t take more than a couple of weeks...right?

When no one voices a question, Erwin continues. “I have managed to secure us all a hot meal here with the wall garrison. Once we are all fed and watered, we ride at once for the old HQ in Hermina. Our new recruits are to ride with Captain Mike Zacharius. Those of you who wish instead to resume your final weeks of training will return to the general training facility with Captain Hange."

 

* * *

 

Maybe it is the welcome sight of soup in their bowls or maybe it is just knowing that they are alive which is making the atmosphere so positive. Connie and Christa are having an ear wiggling contest of which Ymir is the unwilling judge while Mikasa and Jean are talking energetically about the pros and cons of various types of horse. It’s almost like being back at the barracks. Eren is about to annoy Jean by agreeing enthusiastically with everything he is saying (because who’d know more about horses than a horse himself) when a yelp from Armin grabs his attention.

It turns out that Armin has put his farseer to his eye, only to have Captain Hange’s magnified eyeball appear in the lens.

“Whadisthis!?” The researcher blurts, swiping the instrument from Armin’s limp fingers.

The researcher examines the metal before slamming the device to their face with such force that Eren expects glasses to go flying. “Oh, this is...” they make a low rumbling sound of appreciation, entirely lost for words.

“Please be careful!” Armin squeaks. But he is drowned out entirely by the researcher’s now hysterical babbling as they explain the many uses they could have for Armin’s farseer. The brass instrument moves wildly as the researcher gesticulates and Eren is genuinely starting to worry that they will break something.

Eren is doing his best to delicately pluck the farseer from Hange’s flailing hand when another set of pale fingers wrap around the device instead, causing Eren to shrink back on instinct.

He is right to do so.

Captain Levi’s pale eyes survey Eren, Mikasa and Armin in turn before settling back on Eren with clear suspicion. “Who gave shitty-glasses a new toy?” he demands as if the one responsible has committed a grievous crime.

“I-it’s mine.” Armin says but not before allowing a moment of silence which has Eren squirming under the full ferocity of Captain Levi's suspicion. “It was my grandfather’s.” Levi’s grey eyes settle on Armin and Eren remembers to breathe again.

“Clearly old world,” the captain comments, running a clipped fingernail along the metal before tossing the instrument back to Armin. “Clever man.”

“Sir?” Armin clutches the farseer defensively to his breast and Eren knows that he will not give up the instrument so easily again.

“To have kept it hidden so long," Levi explains. It's true. Old-world technology is strictly banned. Even Armin's book is technically not allowed. Eren and Mikasa have rescued it from the clutches of thieves looping to make a few coins by handing it in to the MP more than once. "You on the other hand...” Armin shrinks under the force of the Captain’s sceptic look. “Are an _idiot_ to let this shitty-glasses anywhere near it.” Hange flicks the captain a sulky look at that. They do not seem as upset about the name-calling as having their new ‘toy’ liberated so quickly.

“...Uh...hah.” Armin’s cheeks flush as he flounders awkwardly, uncharacteristically speechless. But that’s nothing compared to Eren, whose ears are now burning a furious red. It's a sure sign for Mikasa of what is about to happen and she reaches for Eren’s arm. 

But she is too late. Eren is standing, looking down at Levi who is surveying him with one arched eyebrow which quickly falls into an expression of apparent disinterest. Eren didn't expect for Captain Levi to wait for him to speak. It's almost impossible to do so now and when Eren does speak a few words in defence of his friend, they are half-mumbled unimpressively into the floor. “Armin’s not an idiot. He’s the smartest person I know...” 

“Smarter than you, maybe.” Levi muses coolly, speaking only once Eren has flicked his attention back from the floor to Levi. “Sit the fuck down.” Eren doesn't. Not because he wants to disobey Captain Levi but because he is paralysed under the force of those cold, grey eyes. Levi's smooth, calm voice is buzzing through his veins and the fact that his body isn't listening to him is only making Eren more angry.

The brunette can feel other eyes on him now as people at nearby tables pause in their meal to watch. Every fibre in Eren’s body wants to rebel. To slip into a fighting stance as if it’s Jean facing him down. But it’s not Jean. Eren can’t even hold his gaze for long against those fierce grey eyes before flicking back to the floor. When Levi next speaks, Eren is looking at his own feet again.

“I said sit down. Or I’ll let Hange have you.” Frustration is replaced by confusion as Eren sinks back onto the bench. _What would Hange want with me?_ But no one offers an answer. Although Hange’s fevered whispering in Levi’s ear and a dazzling grin sent Eren’s way serve to make him more worried.

The conversation on other tables quickly resumes and Levi has already turned his back on their table and is leaving supposedly to go eat alone. Eren realises he never said anything in his own defence and kicks a leg of the table in frustration, regretting it instantly as pain shoots through his toes. _Just great._

Eren’s follows Captain Levi's sharp undercut all the way to the other side of the room, letting out a breath he didn’t realise he was holding when the captain disappears through a heavy oak door.

 

 "What was that, Eren?" Mikasa hisses. "You of all people should know better than to square up to Captain Levi!"

"He called Armin stupid..." Eren tries to justify. It's a weak argument and he knows it.

"Mikasa's right," Armin sighs. "I didn't like the look on Captain Hange's face either."

"Yeah, why was she grinning manically at me like that?" Armin and Mikasa look at Eren in disbelief. "What? Guys, what did I do?"

"It's not what you did, Eren. It's what that snatcher did," Armin explains. "That last one looked like it was chasing you and Mikasa."

"Maybe. But why is she only interested in me?"  
"Because Mikasa's a year older so it's more likely that the snatcher was interested in you. And that's still strange because you should be too old to be of interest to any snatcher. I bet Captain Hange can't wait to run tests on you."

"Tests?" Eren doesn't like the sound of this.

"As if I'd let anyone hurt my little brother."

"Mika!" Eren chides. "I can take care of myself."

"Right." Mikasa does not sound convinced.

"We'll take care of each other," Armin promises.

"That we can all agree on," Eren nods.

 

 

* * *

 

Marco is happily slurping a bowl of broth. Well, as happily as he can knowing that there is a conversation coming which he never thought he and Jean would ever have. The plan after training was always clear for both of them. Join the MP. The only difficulty for Marco was ensuring he achieved top 10 status, but Jean has been more than amazing by helping Marco to train and in these last few months Marco honestly believed that they had done enough to get in.

Now, everything is different.

Even when things were simpler Marco has always been torn between feeling grateful and regretful when it comes to Jean’s fixation on joining the MP. Back when the titans were outside of the wall it is easy to see Jean’s thinking: a seemingly pointless and suicidal existence in the scouting legion vs a life of relative comfort and opportunities to rise in the MP.

But now the scouting legion are not just another facet of the military. They are the front line in this war. They are humanity’s only hope of reclaiming the land lost and preventing further civillian slaughter. Can’t Jean see that? Apparently not. He has that happy faraway look in his eyes which he always has when thinking about their perfect life in the MP. Gods... it looks like this conversation is happening now. Marco was hoping to find a quiet time to discuss this...

“We’re getting out of here, Marco. Our life in the MP’s so close I can taste it.” Jean scoops a spoonful of soup and sighs as if savouring the flavour. When Marco thinks of the MP now all he can taste is bitterness. An entire wall lost to titans and they never even left Sina! Who could be proud to join a military division like that?

He imagines his friends in their scouting uniforms, charging in formation against a band of titans. Eren is red faced from bellowing a war cry and Mikasa has that deadly  determined look on her face as she unsheathes a pair of blades. Marco tries to imagine himself on horseback too, cloak billowing in the wind. But it is a strange image to conjure after years of believing life will lead somewhere else. And he is failing completely to imagine Jean riding beside him...

“Jean,” Marco says. But he is struck dumb when Jean looks at him expectantly, then with worry as his boyfriend realises something is wrong. What are the right words for this? Is it even possible to convince Jean to join the scouts?

Suddenly, Marco is panicking and Jean has abandoned the rest of his soup to take his boyfriends arm and lead them somewhere quieter. Marco ignores Connie’s “Jean? Marco?” and Armin’s “Everything OK?” anchoring himself in the familiarity of Jean’s arm linked with his as he is gently guided to a quiet corner.

“Tell me,” Jean says, not unkindly. But panic is beginning to overwhelm the freckled boy. Will Jean leave him behind to join the MP anyway? The MP is Jean’s dream. Marco isn’t selfish enough to want to get in the way of anyone’s dream, let alone his boyfriend’s...

“I can’t join the MP,” Marco eventually says, so quietly that he fears Jean doesn’t hear. To say his boyfriend is stunned is like saying a titan is large. Jean is uncharacteristically speechless and Marco finds courage to use this pause to explain himself. He has to convince Jean that things have changed.

Before Marco knows it he has spoken for a full minute and still Jean says nothing. He talks about how the scouts need men more than ever and that it is not fair to stay safe in Sina when their friends will be out fighting. He talks about the fact that nowhere is safe now anyway and that titans could eventually breach Rose, even Sina. And finally Marco is pleading. Pleading Jean to see that the scouts need people like him, strong, capable people like Jean has always been and like Marco wishes he was.

Sure, his boyfriend is strong-willed to the point of stubborn. But he is also the 2nd best after Mikasa in using 3DGM. He would make an amazing scout. And Marco maybe a half-decent one too. Either way, Marco can’t live out the rest of his life tucked away in Sina while his friends fight titans.

When Marco runs out of reasons, Jean looks at him like he is chewing on something sour.

“I see you’re set on this, Marco.” Never has Marco felt so small on hearing his name from Jean’s lips. He wants nothing more than to erase these past few minutes and try this all again. But there is no going back now. Just as there is nothing which will make this easier. May as well be honest.

“I am.”

“Well, you can’t.” _What?_ Marco was expecting anger, perhaps disbelief. But not to be told what to do.

Marco tries to be reasonable. “Jean, look. Everything has changed. This war with the titans needs us. I want to fight.”

“You can’t.”

“What?" Jean furrows his brows and Marco feels a bubble of anger rising in his throat. "Just say it, Jean. What can’t I do?

“You can’t fight because you don’t stand a fucking chance!” Jean has raised his voice for the first time and punched the stone wall for good measure. But he is not done yet. All Marco can do is try and keep breathing while Jean verbally sucker punches him again and again. “I said, you can’t. Marco. You can’t fight. I’ll have a hard enough time protecting you in the MP as it is without throwing fucking titans into the mix!”

“No,” Marco says, not looking at Jean. Because this isn’t the same man who spent endless hours helping Marco with his airborne balance, or strengthening his blocking technique, or promising never to leave him... That man wouldn’t call him useless. That man has spent the last two years helping to convince Marco otherwise.

But like Marco earlier, Jean seemingly can’t stop talking. Except all Jean is trying to convince Marco of is of how incapable he is...

“You’re not fluid with manoeuvre gear. You don't have enough power behind the swing of your blade. You're not determined enough...”

Marco feels every accusation like a physical blow. By the time Jean spits that he is 'completely useless' the walls which Jean helped to build come crushing down around him. For the first time in months he is crying uncontrollably, which only seems to prove what Jean is saying. The urge to take everything back is strong but deep down Marco knows it is too late for that.

 

* * *

 

 

Jean knows what he wants to say. _You can’t leave me._ But he’s not saying that. Instead he’s laying into his boyfriend armed with everything in which Marco has ever shown the slightest weakness. He’s even listing things which he loves about Marco. “You’re too kind. You take things to heart. You’re too...” Jean trails off as the first slippery tears trail paths through Marco’s freckles.

“Anything else?” Marco sniffs.

“You are completely useless. You can do nothing without me.” _No._ _That can’t seriously be what came out... could it?_

“I think,” Marco says shakily, “ _you_ have no idea what I can do. I don’t think you ever knew.”

Hearing this sad, clipped tone from lips so prone to softness and laughter finally snaps something in Jean. He realises his mistake, apologising with such desperation that Jean couldn’t tell you what he actually said, only that in the end he gives his blessing. “You can join the scouts... if you need to...”

Jean holds his arms open and Marco steps forward. Jean’s burning chest swells with something like hope. A feeling which is shattered when Marco stalls his progress into his embrace and slowly shakes his head.

“No.” _What does he mean, no? How many ways are there to apologise...?_

“No, Jean.” Marco is so close now that Jean can count his freckles. Every one.

“ _We’re_ joining the scouts. Both of us.” Jean bares his teeth in a grimace, but it only lasts a moment until Marco finally falls into his arms. Jean stiffens with shock then holds on tight when Marco’s whole weight slumps against him. Marco wraps his arms tightly under Jean’s shoulder blades and at that moment even the claxon sounding another titan attack would not be enough to break them apart. Jean sets his chin on Marco’s shoulder in preparation to reply to Marco’s statement. For a while neither moves. Marco is scared to until he has an answer and Jean seems incapable of letting go of even an inch of his boyfriend.

Jean does not lift his head from Marco’s shoulder when he speaks. Marco can feel the vibrations through his arm and into his chest.

“We’ll die, Marco.” And although the words are morbid, Marco plants a soft kiss into Jean’s neck. Because he knows this is his acceptance.

“We’ll be together,” Marco breathes into Jean’s ear, kissing each hot tear which escapes from his boyfriend’s eyes.


	9. Ghosts

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Levi's perspective of his squad's battle against the armoured titan. Not a pretty chapter.
> 
> Right. A few things. Updates are getting slower and slower.  
> 1\. Because I'm working more than when starting out (I have 2 jobs)  
> 2\. This is one heavy angst baby - sometimes want to write something light - although things will get better. 
> 
> Also, this is THE END of 'Dregs and Camomile'. The next part 'RIPPLES AND PEPPERMINT' will jump in time a month or so and focus on the new recruits' life in the scouts. And Levi. Yeah. He needs some love. Bookmark/subscribe the Teapot series is the easiest way to keep up to date.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh, and I have tumblr now, if you want to check it out: https://www.tumblr.com/blog/theererifairy

**Ghosts:**

For Captain Levi, the simplest sounds of humanity have become unbearable. The harsh scraping of spoons against bowls. The hum of tired conversation. Nervous whispers as he walks by. Everything is too much. He was more tempted to pull on the hair of the hot-headed brat who stood up to him than he is willing to admit. He is not in control, and that won’t do at all. So Levi increases his pace to leave Hange behind, heading for the heavy door at the end of the hall.

The loaded look Erwin gives him from the veteran’s table is only half disapproval, loaded with unsaid understanding, perhaps wanting to make an exception for Levi. Yet the commander’s face is drawn with a sincere frown. A warning which the blonde doesn’t need to say out loud for Levi to acknowledge.

_Come back, Levi. This is no time to go absent._

Levi knows this of course. He continues walking anyway, soup in hand, until the unbearable ruckus of the dining hall fades beyond hearing.

After what seems like an eternity, the steady clap of his boots comes to an abrupt halt. The dull note echoes for a few moments in the stone corridor in which Levi is seeking temporary refuge from the rest of humanity. No true escape is possible but this will do for now.

A distant dripping echoes somewhere in the dark, dismal corridor. A reminder that this portion of Trost’s southern garrison base has fallen into disrepair. It is less a functional military structure than a sprawling labyrinth of stone; rooms and corridors too sloped and winding to be truly practical. The air is close and heavy with mildew and he can barely make out the walls from the floor. None of that matters. Because Levi is finally alone. And that means he can finally stop pretending to be strong.

 

The captain leans heavily into the stone wall, the need to be invisible overriding the usual reluctance to come into contact with a tainted surface. With his shoulders pressed against the stone, he is nothing more than a shadow. It is still more than Levi wishes to be at that moment. Because the more he recalls his squad’s battle with the armoured titan outside of Wall Maria, the more he understands.

Their deaths are all his fault.

If only he were quicker. If only he were a better tactician. If only here truly as strong as the government put about... then maybe Auruo, Petra and Eld would still be alive.

Now that the sounds of humanity are behind him, there is nothing to drown out the sound which brings captain Levi the most agony. It is a soft sound, barely a whisper in the near silence: The sound of his own breathing. Each measured breath a reminder that he is alive and his squad is not. And why? Because after everything; all their training, learning to read one another and placing complete trust in him, he has failed them. A cold fury and sheer stubbornness blinding him to underestimate their foe and costing the lives of three of humanity’s best.

Eld. Auruo. Petra. Their deaths were not meaningless, not when everyone present learned so much from the slaughter. But they were unnecessary. A pathetic waste in a cruel world.

He does not know whether he is happy that Gunther is no longer a part of his squad. His former comrade is not present here at Wall Rose yet there is a chance that he is still alive and will eventually rendezvous with the survivors at the old scouting HQ. That also means the possibility of facing the only other man who may be feeling a similar pain to his own. Not the professional pain of losing a fellow soldier, or acknowledging yet another blow to humanity. But the raw, jagged pain which burns like a reopened wound at the slightest thought or remembrance.

Right now, every fibre of his being feels as if it is on fire. The hardened facade which captain Levi has maintained for the last few hours falls away as he gives into the relentless assault of emotion. He sinks slowly to the floor, feeling weakness in his limbs and a roaring pressure in his chest. Yet the captain refuses to give in entirely. Grieving must come later. For now, simply remembering is enough; analysing every step, command and manoeuvre which led to Eld, Auruo and Petra’s deaths.

Because a mistake of this nature can never happen again. Levi will not let it. That he swears on the lives of those he has failed.

 

Was it really only three hours ago that he and his squad faced the armoured titan on the Shiganshina border?

 

* * *

 

Ever since Shiganshina, there has been a combined effort between the scouting legion and southern garrison to keep watch on the area during daylight hours, so as to send word quickly should the colossal or armoured titan make another appearance. The result being that this time, the scouts are there to meet the titans before they succeed in breaching wall Maria, like they did the gate into Shiganisha 5 years ago.

Observing the armoured titan with his squad from the top of wall Maria, Levi is struck most not by its size or hardened features, but by the unnerving suggestion of human expression forming on its monstrous jaw. Usually a titans maw is fixed in slack jawed greed. Not this one, as it observes the scouts on the wall with something akin to a sneer.

They descend in silence, the Captain gesturing with two hooked fingers to Petra and Auruo on his right. _Talons formation_. Both nod in understanding, Petra kicking sharply from the wall while maintaining pace of descent to get into the appropriate position. To Eld at Levi’s left, he makes a sharp flat handed gesture. Eld quickens his pace in answer, dropping faster than the others in preparation to fly close past the shoulder of their foe, doing everything necessary to force the titan to turn, exposing his nape to Levi who will attack a half second after Auruo and Petra slice into the upper arms.

That was the plan. And Levi knew it would work.

Levi is not a fool. Nor Erwin, who was the one to assign the armoured titan solely to the special operations squad. Between them, the two probably know more about this armoured titan than anyone else alive. However, that knowledge does not amount to much.

All Levi truly knows is that for some reason this titan has hardened skin. Citizens who don’t know any better say this one can’t be killed. But Levi refuses to believe such scaremongering nonsense. Every titan can be felled. To believe otherwise is to declare this war a pointless endeavour.

No. Not a single titan, whatever its class can survive this attack. His blades are fresh. Hardened steel of the finest quality. No titan can withstand a direct hit to the nape, which will be fully exposed when Eld performs his distraction tactic.

Felling this titan will provide a singular pleasure, Levi muses as the wind rushes through his hair, Petra and Auruo overtake him in preparation to strike. Precisely as planned.

Eld swings away from the wall, heading directly for the armoured titan. Feral yellow eyes follow his movement. And then the impossible happens.

_Crrr-crack! HYAAAGHH!_

The armoured titan cracks its knuckles and screams. Levi’s pulse races. He almost loses footing in his haste to get down there. Because Eld – barely meters away – is surely deafened by the screech as he approaches the now sneering face before him.

It is only the knowledge that the man swerving directly into the titan’s path has pulled off this manoeuvre a hundred times before which keeps his heart beating. Eld shoots a wire into the titan’s neck and swings past its cheek as planned. The titan turns in the direction Eld went as planned, exposing his nape. It’s the best thing that has happened all day.

But then, with one thrust of a fist, there is a major setback. Held tight within the titan’s fist is Eld’s wire which he has not yet had the opportunity to detach from the foe. Levi can only watch as his comrade is yanked back towards the armoured titan like a ragdoll. Eld flails in midair, engaging gas in an attempt to right himself, which he eventually does – barely 5 meters from the titan’s face. It is not yet a disaster. Auruo and Petra are seconds away, ready to bear down into the titan’s shoulders before Levi slices open the nape. In the meanwhile, Eld can cut the caught wire free and use gas to flee to a landing point. The blonde is doing just that, opening up distance between he and the titan in a spiral of gas. Levi can just make out the flash of Eld’s knife, moving to cut the wire when the armoured titan adopts a low stance suited to speed. Charging straight for Eld as if nothing else in the world exists.

And it’s fast. Too fast. Even with the wire now cut there is no nearby building for Eld to sink his remaining hook into, the power of gas alone is not enough to outdistance the charging titan.

 _He’s dead. And everyone knows it._ Even if they can’t quite believe it.

Now there is no going back. Levi resolves himself. Every muscle in his body taut and primed to the purpose of destroying this titan. The last thing it will know of this world is the bite of his blades, sinking deep into its flesh, twisting for good measure. Levi will devour its screams like oxygen. The death throes will fuel him with the vigour to fight every day to his last day. To slay every last one of its foul kin.

 _Eld’s life cannot be meaningless._ His spirit will live on in him. Petra and Auruo too. Together, they will avenge Eld and kill a thousand more. As many as it takes to rid the world of this plague. Eld will be remembered as a hero. One of the best.

That is what Levi tells himself as his fist curls into a salute against his pounding chest. He does not look away when Eld is swatted from the air, ground into the floor by the armoured titan’s heel.

When the titan looks directly at Levi with almost human clarit, he gives the beast his full attention. His comrades have slowed their descent down the wall and are dumbstruck either side of him.

There isn’t time to grieve. Only to avenge. To fight until the bitter end. If he had taken more time to consider the options at that crucial moment, then perhaps the outcome would have worked out very differently.

 

“We’re killing this fucker!” Levi growls, tasting bile at the back of his throat. To Petra and Auruo’s credit, they attend to their captain with ingrained obedience. Petra’s face is tear streaked and Auruo’s features are scrunched in a snarl. Both acknowledge their captain’s new orders, springing from the wall with determined pumps of their legs.

Levi points outward and down in an instruction for Petra and Auruo to flank wide, aiming for the Achilles tendons. The plan for Levi is unchanged. He will strike this fucker’s nape if it’s the last thing he does. He _will_ draw blood. This titan cannot be invincible. The world is not that fucked up.

 

Petra and Auruo swoop in low and silent from either side while the armoured titan’s yellow eyes are focused on Levi.

 _Snnnnnghhh! “FUCK!”_  The screech of Auruo’s blades hits the captain like a physical blow. The failed attempt to cut through the skin has snapped both of Auruo’s blades. Not a single bead of blood seeps from the twin scrapes of the attack. Levi’s heart plummets into his gut.

Petra spins into view at the titan’s other heel, screaming with determination. The tiniest slither of hope awakens in Levi. Petra is quicker. Maybe she can...

 _Shhhhnnnng! “No... it won’t! IT WON’T!...”_ Petra discards her empty hilts, having caused as much damage as Auruo.

_Fuck._

Levi has an impossible choice to make. Because this attack hinged on the armoured titan being on its knees at this point. There is now no hope of all three escaping this alive. Auruo is pounding his fists desperately, caught within the titan’s fingers. He is as good as dead. Petra _could_ be saved, but it would take a hook into the leg to drag her out of reach of the titan’s other hand – and there is no guarantee that  both her and Levi can outdistance the titan.

And then there is the nape. Bare. Unguarded. There is no knowing for sure that this weak spot will not work just like the others. Not until someone takes a slice.

It is the cruel calculation in the titan’s eyes as is looks _straight at Levi_ holding two of the people most precious to him _(yet not crushing them)_ which forces Levi to acknowledge the _third_ option. The most distasteful. The one he knows will weigh on him for the rest of his life.

_He could leave. Save himself._

Not because he values his life more than the others, but because escaping this conflict alive is the best chance that this titan will meet its end on their next encounter. It is the best chance of his squad’s deaths meaning something. And it is the best thing to do for humanity.

 

Levi turns his back on the armoured titan. And the moment he does a series of wet crunching noises ensue. The whole thing seems drawn out, like he is being toyed with. Dared to turn back and give the armoured titan the chance to make it 4/4.

He does not turn back. Not even when Petra’s will finally breaks and she resorts to pleading. He thinks Auruo was rendered incapable of making sounds a while back.  Although Levi can still hear pieces of him splattering to the ground. Or is that Petra? He hopes the lack of screaming means they are both gone now. That it is finally over for them.

Levi does not turn around to check. He will not give this monster the satisfaction. The only thing he will ever give the armoured titan is a slow, agonising death. If it has a weakness, it will not be utilised to provide a clean kill. The titan’s screams will be more uplifting than any music, the beads of its blood more precious than any gemstone. First to go will be those intelligent eyes. Levi will dig them out with a blunt blade.

The captain reaches the top of the wall, seething with anger and oddly enough, _anticipation,_ mind still reeling with the vivid torture he will one day inflict on the piece of titan scum below.

 

* * *

 

 

It is cold, sitting on the dusty stone floor, yet the feverish feeling coursing through Levi’s veins does not relent. The crushing ache in Levi’s chest does not subside. He realises with a cold clarity that he cannot stand another second of human company tonight. He needs... escape. The illusion of freedom, if only for tonight.

Fuck Erwin. Fuck Hange. Fuck them all. He is making the journey to HQ alone. It is a small concession considering the loss he has had to endure today. Tomorrow, he will be ready to accept the consequences of taking off alone.

Erwin is a fool if he sends anyone in pursuit when darkness is approaching, but Levi chooses a horse with a dark coat just in case.

 

Hours later, when the air turns earthy with the scent of woodland, Levi knows he is close. It is a clear night. The sharp starlight catches the outlines of the squat castle – the former scouting legion HQ and home once again for the foreseeable future.

Levi has been here once before, during which Erwin revealed the secrets behind the castle’s abandonment.

Little known is that the old HQ was abandoned due to treachery. Of the _human_ kind. The uprising caused both a rushed relocation of the scouts and ended the government conscription of military trainees into the scouts if not enough members of the core chose to join.

64 years ago, the crop of recruited scouts was particularly dire. The conscripts that year outnumbered those who chose to serve in the scouting legion 3-1.

The government put it out that their Commander, Nikoli Streim died during 19th mission beyond the walls. But Levi knows the truth. The commander was murdered in cold blood by his own conscripts, who one night decided they were desperate enough to take their chances as outlaws rather than serve in the military’s most dangerous regiment. That fateful night, the conscripts rose up in the night and cut down anyone who opposed their fleeing into the forest like rats.

 

The old HQ reveals itself in its entirety as Levi rides closer. The castle is as he remembers; a grandiose monstrosity of turrets and crenulations. Wind whistles through broken windows while the surrounding forest sighs and creaks. Up close, the castle looks worn out and inhospitable. Levi dismounts in one swift action and shoulders open a door three times as tall as he is.

Every small sound he makes echoes and reverberates, as if it is an entire squad walking the rough stone floor and not a single person. Levi finds an alcove on the second floor and nestles into the window frame. The world may be changed, but the crisp starlit sky is the same. It is a comforting thought.

This high up, the wind finds all the crevices and blasted windows. Levi thinks he can hear whispers. Thudding. The croaked question of a dying man. _Why? Why? Why?_

The sounds should be unnerving. But they are not. If this place is so full of ghosts, perhaps he can escape some of his own. If only until the living arrive.

Levi closes his eyes and rests his head back against the stone, too exhausted to move from the window ledge.


End file.
